then again, maybe not
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November 28, 2005

About adoption

Over the weekend I had a conversation with someone who reads this blog. And mentioned something about being adopted. He was surprised, and I was surprised. Why? Well, he was surprised that I hadn't mentioned it before, and that in all my ranting (he was more diplomatic and called it "discussion") about abortion, I never mentioned adoption. And I was surprised because I forget that people don't know I'm adopted. Not that I have it on my business card, but just because I forget. It's like how I forget that all of my friends don't know each other. I'm dumb and self-centered, leave me alone.


We ended up talking about adoption for a while (I'm such a fun date), and how it influences my pro-choiceness. That's not something I've spent a lot of time thinking about. At this stage in my life (with one exception that I'll get to eventually) being adopted is not a big part of who I am. It's an anecdote, like how when I was in first grade I told the class I lived in a "condom" instead of a "condo." My mom had to take the next morning off from work to discuss this with my teacher. Heh.

But, I'm always up for a little reflecting on things, so I'm going to try and talk a little about being adopted, being pro-choice, and being pro-abortion.

First, a little story...

A couple of years ago I was tabling for Planned Parenthood or someone at a music concert. We had some asshole anti-choice shitbird stalking the table, waiting to start some trouble. He finally came over right before we started packing up to leave. He blah blah blahed for a long time, nothing special. But then he told us that he was adopted, and that he was so glad his biological mother chose to give birth to him. Well, ok. I'm glad my biological mother gave birth to me to. Because I've had a nice life. But then he points a finger at me and says "how would you feel if your mother aborted you?" Uh, I wouldn't feel anything. I'd never have been born. But, in this impossible hypothetical I'd say I was glad she was able to make whatever the right decision was for her. Not for me, because I wasn't around yet, but for her. He sputtered for a while and then stomped away, muttering as he went about whores and murderers.

I thought it was a pretty funny encounter. He was just sure he "had me" with the "how would you feel" question. But that's where he's missing the point. The right to choose what to do about a pregnancy isn't about looking backward years later, once you have an unchangeable outcome. That's why the whole "you would have aborted Beethoven" argument is bullshit. Making a choice is about making a decision based on all of the facts and circumstances at the time. Which is why I'm not against "options counseling" and "informed consent" in theory. I am against the way they're actually used, to provide a barrier to women who are seeking abortions. But I think we should provide resources for people making any important decision about their health. I wonder if it's harder to get through the roadblocks to have an abortion or a boob job.

Uh, I kind of got off track here, so I'll stop now. More later about adoption.

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