then again, maybe not
Closed for business

November 16, 2005

don't tell anyone, but I have a new crush...

Calm down stalkers, it's just a blog crush... for now. Pardon me if I sound like a 12-year-old for a moment.

I am hugely in like with a bitch (what else is new). Who knew a Technorati search for "Cary Tennis + asshat" (hate hate hate that guy) would end this way. So Bitch. Why the love? I think a few samples from her FAQ will make it clear:
Why are you such an incredible bitch?
Everything I do is unbelievable, doll. Everything. I’m an incredible bitch because I expect that everyone else is just as intelligent as I am. It’s not conceitedness. It’s an assumption that most people are of about the same intelligence. So, when I expect you to keep up, it’s because I think highly of you. That’s why bitches are bitches. ‘nuff said.


And this glossary entry from the "Bitch Guide"

FUCKMEDEAD: Fuck me dead. I don’t remember where I picked up this expression. For some reason, I keeping seeing a vision of Morgan Freeman in my head—as if I heard it first from his lips. I doubt it, but there it is: my twisted mind. “Fuck me” or “Fuck me dead” are expressions that stand in for phrases like, “I don’t believe it!” or “Holy cow!”


I can totally see Morgan Freeman in my head saying this. Even though I'm sure Morgan Freeman would never say any such thing. Slightly less (?) offensive than my personal favorite "Christ on a fucking bicycle," a phrase my friend S misheard as "Christ fucking a bicycle," which is even funnier.

Ok, end of slightly disturbing gushing. But if you value your life you'll go directly to Bitch Lab. Or else.

Update:

Holy shit. The feeling is mutual?!?!?! This from the Bitch of my dreams:

For some reason, I just don't buy this site which I found via the latest lust object in my bloglife, Thagmano.
That's me, fuckers. That's me. The best part is the post is all about how hetero men need to learn to love their cocks. Just read it.

But before you try to find out where we're registering, know this. That Bitch is fickle. The post before this points to another object of her blog lust who shall remane nameless.






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