then again, maybe not
Closed for business

February 28, 2006

Apparently there are websites on these here internets where you fill out a profile of yourself, add a photo, and strange men email you for sex. Or you find the love of your life. Depends on if you watch the commercials, or talk to my friends. I believe they call it "online personals." Kids today - wacky!

Since we all know being single is worse than the plague, people are always telling me how I should "get into" online personals. "Give it a shot," "you never know," and "why would guys online be any worse than guys you meet in bars. At least guys online have computers." How inspirational. Moving past all of the horrible and insulting assumptions that someone must be making to offer me this advice… no wait, I can't move past that stuff. I mean the nerve… as if I… if I wanted… how can they… who asked…not everyone is… etc., etc.

Anyway, I'm also extremely reluctant to do anything that people gush about as having "changed their lives" or "broadened their horizons." That kind of shit gets you living in a compound, shaving your head and drinking crazy Kool-Aid. Besides, I barely have time to go to work, see my friends, drink heavily, talk to my mother, and blog. See how that comes last? That's why I suck.

I've never been a looking for a relationship kind of gal. I just kind of fall into them. Or onto them (leer). But most importantly, I am a lazy muthafucka. I've almost passed out from hunger because I couldn't be bothered to go to the kitchen from the sofa. It's maybe 7 steps. And the idea of making a profile, finding a cute but not drunk photo, searching for people, and responding to whatever messages I get makes me want to lay down for a nap. I mean, there are tons of blogs just about people doing online dating. Exhausting. Just the thought of it.

Update: One of my coworkers just asked me what I was writing about and I told her. She said "you know, if you're ever going to meet the right guy, you'll have to go outside of your comfort zone." At which point I kicked her in the shins and called her an asshole. Ok, I didn't actually do that. But I did give her The Face®, which is apparently quite withering. Dunno. I like me, so I don't give myself The Face®. This is a woman who works here, in my beautiful ivory tower of liberal/feminist glee. And don't ever say "comfort zone." It's just wrong. And don't even get me started on the "gay rumors" (the horror!) because I brought my best friend to a few work functions. Now I'm all annoyed and forgot the point of this post.

Oh yeah. Fuck off fuckers. Date how, who and when you want. But leave be the hell alone - which is how I'll always be. Woe, woe, woe betide the single girl who fails to deperately seek a mate.






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