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March 13, 2006

So much in my head…

Wow, this weekend was full of things that keep swirling around in my head. It's possible that's because I spent so much time walking around with my thoughts. Or it could be because I didn't drink at all. Here are the vaguely formed thoughts I'm going to try and work through.

I watched the social experiment (read: snooty reality tv) show, Black. White. I think it premiered on Wednesday, but I didn't get around to watching it on TiVo until Saturday morning. I found it extremely interesting that the show, whose premise is two families, one black, one white, getting made-up and "switching races." Then they go out and see what happens. Interesting, or so I thought. But what's interesting about people legitimizing and aspiring to fit stereotypes? They each learn to "talk white" and "walk black." How consciousness-raising.

I also ended up having a very painful fight with my mother on Saturday afternoon. We fight all the time, that was no surprise. But the subject of the argument was. We were talking about a friend's wedding I'm going to be in, and all of the annoying things that go along with that. Because she's my mother, the conversation quickly turned to when I'll be getting married. This is probably the 10th time we've talked about this in the last year, and I wasn't in the mood. So, I laid out for my mom all of the reasons why it bothers me that she is so focused on this. Not the least being that she herself never married, and had a great life, and fulfilled her dream of being a mother. Somehow we then ended up talking about celebrities. She mentioned that she likes Charlize Theron, who she called something like Charlotte Thenon, but that's my mom. I told her that I'd heard Charlize Theron and whoever she's dating said they wouldn't get married until gay and lesbian couples could as well. I thought that was great. I wish there were more straight people (not just celebrities) who would say the same thing, marriage for all couples, or marriage for no one. My mom hit the roof. She said "so what, you won't get married until gay people can too? That's not going to change anything." Which lead to the whole activism argument, which we've been having since I was 10. Sigh. So I asked her, "what if people were trying to pass laws that interracial couples couldn't marry? And I wanted to marry someone of another race. Wouldn't you want people to stand up and support that?" She says, "of course. And I support gay marriage too, but I don't see the point of a straight couple refusing to marry to make a point." Uh, "you don't see the point of symbolic gestures, of solidarity? You do remember the civil rights movement, right?" And around and around we went. It bugs me that my mother's politics and beliefs are very in line with mine, she really doesn't value my or anyone else's activism. It makes me sad that she can support an idea, but not doing something about it.

Wow, I really didn't plan to go on and on about that. A little venting, sorry. The other thing I'm thinking about is what it means to be a friend. I hung out with a woman I used to work with, who I love, but on a very surface level. I think she's fun, but very self-centered, and I don't share any deep thoughts or feelings with her. From the outside, someone would probably think we're best friends, but it's very shallow. And I'm not sure how ok with that I am.

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