then again, maybe not
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May 30, 2006

the continuing adventures...

It's been a while since I've shared a fun day in my life with you. So here goes. As a follow-up to my fucking feminists post, I thought I'd tell you a little tale of one of the fellas I list. See if you can guess which lis he's on from the story. And I'm sorry in advance for the TMI possibilities.

So, this guy I know, I'll call him 1isNotEnuf, has been bugging me to have a threesome with him and his sometimes girlfriend. It's not as random a request as it may seem. We've "had relations." So, after the initial ask, once I stopped strutting around like I was miss hot shit, everybody wants a piece, I politely declined the offer. There was no box to check off to RSVP no, so I just told 1isNotEnuf that I'd rather not. Ok, fine. Good laugh had by all. That was last... November I believe. It is now almost June, and he's still asking. We chat occasionally on IM, usually when I'm at home working and don't want to be, and it comes up. By which I mean he brings it up. Basically anytime I mention anything that has to do with people, in comes the conversation. So, it's ok for a while, funny every now and then in a "ha ha, remember when you wanted to have a threeesome" kind of way. But enough already. So yesterday, for the zillionth time, he brought it up again.

Dear 1isNotEnuf and other men of planet earth. Badgering is not a good way to get to witness hot girl on girl action.

I was sharing my frustration with another friend (with whom I've never "had relations," in case you're keeping track), and after she stopped laughing at the idea of me being annoyed about this, she asked a vaguely serious question. What's the proper etiquette for requesting sexual favors from someone? I mean, Miss Manners doesn't help here. Where's the line between friendly banter and annoyance? I say you should only ask once, unless the other person brings it up again. She thinks you could get away with three times, as long as it's not everytime you talk to the person. Yet another thing my liberal arts education failed to prepare me for.

Update: I should admit that I'm in a mood this week because I'm in a wedding on Saturday. Weddings always make me (more) cynical and (endlessly) annoyed.




Comments:
ha. you remind me of the first time I decided to ask someone out after the wasband left. I'd gone out bar hopping with the girls, but this time I wanted to go to a bluegrass concert in Ithaca. So, I decided to ask this guy who I used to get in long convos with about theory, politics, my boobs, teaching, his awesome socks, etc.

No big deal. I wasn't even thinking sex with dude. Just: oh man! I can go to a concert! woohoo! I wanna go hang out, picnic in the grass, drink cheap finger lakes wine, and enjoy the summer.

I ask and he says, "oh, hey, I'm with someone but we're always looking for a third wheel."

OK. You're talking to my married for too long ass. So of course, TG I was on the phone b/c my jaw's dragging on the kitchen floor sweeping up sonshine's Cheerios.

Given that, it would depend on who you're asking. Me? Back then? Ask me a couple of more times 'coz I have to get used to the idea.

Ask me now? I'd know my answer right off the bat, for the most part.

But, if it's someone who you're asking because you have Klew about their proclivities, then once is enough. Someone else....? Well, once ought to be enough, but you just never know.

This guy sounds a little obsessed, though, eh? I don't think he'd get the concept of subtlety and feeling someone out before trying to ask again, eh?

anyway, glad you're back. Please post photos of bridesmaid dress so we can commiserate.
 
what BL said wrt bridesmaid dress.

yeah, i dunno. I guess twice in more than six months is not maybe what i'd have considered "badgering," as a general rule (if such there is), but if you're annoyed, you're annoyed.

If you tell him, "No, and please don't ask me again, " and THEN he asks you again...yeah, that's seriously annoying and he needs a smack.
 
He would totally get a smack, but he's smart enough to do most of the badgering over instant messenger.

And I should have clarified that he's only directly asked a few times, but brings up the subject almost every time we talk.

I guess posting this made me a little bolder, so I did confront him, and now apparently we're not talking at all.

Silly.

Oh, and my word verification for this comment is wkxwollm. Too long.
 
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