then again, maybe not
Closed for business

February 25, 2006

As promised...

Sex blogs I read. The personal sites are not just extended Penthouse letters. They're the lives of these people. Good things.

Eros Blog

Not so much for the content Bacchus links to, as the way he talks. In a recent interview the author said:
The next time you hear somebody railing against the feelthy perverts, you're to
remember the smiles. Even if the specific activity under discussion grosses you
out, because it's not your kink and you can't understand why it could be
anyone's, remember the smiles. Remember Sarah's visible joy. We don't need to
understand or appreciate a kink to understand that smile.

Girl with a one-track mind

Good, good, good.

Sex & Moxie

I guess this is more of a general "relationship" blog, but there's sex in it. interesting combination of personal stories and advice. I very often disagree with her, but I keep reading.

Figleaf's Real Adult Sex

This site is just hot.


Ubiquitous, I know. But in case there's anything new happening in sex or porn that I missed, Fleshbot will tell me.

Wanton Maleness

Married sex. Good stuff.

thatgirl's life

More hot. And funny.

February 24, 2006

Friday Random 10 - Extremely Late Edition

  1. Time Won't Let Me - The Pietasters
  2. Only Son - Liz Phair
  3. Faith - George Michael
  4. I Know This Bar - Ani DiFranco
  5. Midnight Show - The Killers
  6. Hurt - Johnny Cash
  7. At Last - Etta James
  8. The Origin of Love - Hedwig
  9. Roadwhore - 3 Minute Hero
  10. Long Snake Moan - PJ Harey

Yeah, my iPod already left for the weekend. And took my brain with it.

Update: You want to know a good way to increase your blog traffic through a single post? Easy as two words. "Sex blog."

Blast from my past

Just found this, from years ago, via No, no link for you. It's what I wrote after discovering new information about my biological family. I was floored.
Joane Grant. That was me. For a few months anyway.

Who knew a weekend at home would turn my brain to jello?!?!?!

There are two people out there with the same genes as me that I never knew about. My brother and my sister. What a concept. I can't believe my mom never told me that my biological parents had 2 kids before me. And I really can't believe she just let me discover it on a random saturday afternoon.

It's weird, knowing more info (nonidentifying of course) about my biological parents really wasn't that interesting. I mean, it didn't really make me want to go out and find them or anything. But knowing that I have a brother and a sister. That's a strong kick in the head. When I was born my brother was 7. that means he's 30 now, and probably remembers his mother being pregnant with me. I wonder what she told him. My sister was only 2. My sister. My sister.

So, this is 3 days later, and I'm still very freaked out. Talked to D on Sat. night. He was sweet, as usual. Finally got to talk to B last night. I can't believe she's in Scotland
now. I am really in need of best friend hugging and drinking. When I told her
she cried. If I'd known that would be her reaction I probably wouldn't have told
her. But it was good. She cried, which let me cry. Exactly what I needed.

I can't really express how I'm feeling about this yet. Right now it's just like a weight on my chest.
That was four years ago. Can't say I've got deeper or more processed thoughts about this. It still makes my heart hurt.

February 23, 2006

In thagmano v. fetus... I pcik the one who's me

Way smarter things that what I say over at Shakespeare's Sister on abortion:

I agree that a black and white scale of measurement on the issue is flawed, but
I believe it has less to do with any sense of "quasihumannness" and more to do
with truths that no one likes to talk about. Truths like women who don't want to
be pregnant will do just about anything to get un-pregnant. Truths like weighing
the "life" of an unwanted fetus against one's own life is not some abstract
theoretical to a woman with an unwanted pregnancy; it pits a potential life
against an existing one, which may be forever changed. and that doesn't make for
much of a contest.


Some soldiers who kill on the battlefield later feel regret, even if they know
it was the only way to protect themselves. Some don’t. We don’t expect them to;
pragmatism is a response we understand from soldiers. We don’t understand, or
accept, pragmatic women, women who have abortions and stand by their decision,
rather than collapsing into a fit of unshakable grief. Worst yet are those who
dare to respond to the outraged, “It was a life you ended!” with an
acknowledgement that it is the truth. “Yes, I did. But I did it to save my own.”
I think this is a big point here. Being pregnant when you don't want to be is a huge deal. And for some reason people can't or won't acknowledge that. Pregnancy is huge, even aside from what would happen after you give birth. And throughout history women have found ways to keep from getting pregnant, and failing that, keep from giving birth.

All the renewed abortion brouhaha is stemming from South Dakota's legislature banning abortion. Nice. More here, here, here, here and here.

Not a sex blog

Got a call last night from an ex of mine who was reading some sex blog, and thought I might be its author. Wouldn't tell me what the site was, but I plan to try and find it. Now, ok, I get why I'm the girl you call with reproductive, prostitution-related, and happy hour questions. But unless he was leaving out something specific that he read, it could have been any of the many many women he's dated in the past couple of years. And yet, I get this on my voicemail:

"Hey [thagmano]. Give me a call tonight if you get a chance. No emergency, I
just found a blog that I thought might be yours. Did you write about our sex
life? That time we [redacted for my sensitive readers]? I’m not mad. Just

Of course I had to return that call. Wow. Here's the thing. The aforementioned activity wasn't anything crazy. If they'd written about some crazy-ass man-on-dog-on-woman-in-Jello-on-airplane-with-watermelons action, I can understand thinking it might be about you. But everyone has sex in the garden of the National Cathedral. That's what it's there for. Oh oops. Sorry. Don't do that, kids, it's trespassing and wrong.

[7 hours goes by]

Now that I'm back writing this post, the saga continues. I met this guy last week that I like. Not a huge, all-consuming bitch kind of crush, but I'm kind of into him. Apparently in my drugged out haze last weekend (hurt my back, not fun drugs) I mentioned that I have a blog and told him the name of it. So he Googled thagmano, and what a surprise - he found me! So, uh, "Hi!" That IM conversation went something like this:

He: "You blog anonymously, I'm surprised."
Me: "Well, it's more of a work-sensitivity thing than not wanting people to know who I am"
He: "That makes sense. Are you going to talk about me on your blog."
Me: "No." [escept when I do]
He: "Ok. You talked a lot less about abortion and a lot more about porn when I met you."
Me: "Visit the archives."
He: "I did. You talk about 'porn' a lot, but not in such graphic detail as in person."
Me: "I talk about a lot of things in graphic detail when I've been drinking and taking
pain killers. I rarely blog drunk."
He: "You should, I bet it would be funny."
Me: "That's why I don't. I go for minimal entertainment on my blog… as you have seen."
He: "LOL"
Me: "Don't LOL at me."

And later…

He: "I saw that your grandfather died last year. Mine did too."
He: "That was random and insensitive - wasn't it? I'm sorry."
Me: "No worries."
He: "What's your next entry going to be about?"
Me: "Uh… this conversation. Partially."
He: "I'm a star! Go me!"
Me: "Uh, like 5 people read my blog. No fame to be had"
The point? I don't have a sex blog. Don't want one. But I do read them. Not so much the porn-tastic ones. I'll post some links later of my favorites. I think I've mentioned before that only a few people I know in real life know about the blog. Older versions have been mostly visited by friends, and I found myself talking to them too much, and not feeling comfortable discussing whatever random bullshit came to mind, so I stopped that. So I wonder… of all the anonymous bloggers out there… do your friends know?

Can you tell I'm in a scattered mood? I've been writing this all day, so I'm careening off in many directions.

I was talking to some friends the other night, who all happened to be dating (and married to) bartenders. The topic, of course, was if bartenders are better in bed than mere mortals. Since I (shockingly, if you think about where I spend all my time) have never slept with one, I was intrigued. Consensus seemed to be that they are better, but it might be because they're more likely to be sober at the end of the night, and you're likely to be drunker. Eyes peeled now. Eyes peeled. Maybe I could start a sex blog about bartenders.

February 22, 2006

Hoefully they don't pay attention to polls either. Snicker

It's not easy being Bond, apparently.

I had no idea there were so many polls on this topic. That's kind of embarrassing.

Wait, a wife is not a slave?

Via The News Blog, two stories about men with "high" expectations of their wives. The first, on The Smoking Gun is a remarkable, if difficult to read document. At first it's rather funny, something I could see writing with humor. Until you get the details that the guy who wrote it wasn't being funny at all. In fact, he's charged with kidnapping his wife and and child pornography. Charming.

Then there's this asshole Dr. Phil. I mean, there's this asshole on Dr. Phil. Ahem. He says:

My wife is desperately in need of wife lessons,” says Grant. “I do have high
expectations and standards, and I expect them to be met. I think every guy would
like their wife to be a Stepford Wife.”
Mmhmm. She says:

“Grant treats me like I’m stupid. The pressure to be the wife Grant wants is
overwhelming. It crushes me when Grant says that he’s not satisfied. I work very
hard all day long not to be mediocre. My biggest fear for our marriage is that
I’m never going to be good enough. I think your husband is supposed to think
you’re great. And I don’t have a husband who thinks I’m great,” she says, her
eyes filling with tears.

How romantic. They returned to the show later because she "still needs wife lessons." This time Dr. Phil lets others share their thoughts on this marriage. Some guy says:

Dr. Phil asks James, "You say he's living in a total fantasy, why?"

"Absolutely, because I've never known any woman to ever accept criticism
from a man very well. At all. I think when you start criticizing, you just start
on a downhill slope, and it's not going to get any better for you."
He's supposed to be the voice of reason, by the way. In case you couldn't tell from his first comments. Next up:

Dr. Phil turns to Amy, "And you think she's just not doing her job?"

"Exactly. I think that what happens a lot of times in marriages is you
come to an agreement of one person staying at home and one person taking on that
responsibility, then the stay-at-home person, whether it's the mom or the dad,
gets into the situation, realizes it's a lot harder than what they expected, and
then doesn't want to be held accountable for their choices of being responsible
in that role," says Amy.

Hmm, yes. This woman is clearly just annoyed because she's not keeping up with her required duties. Speaking of which… what are those duties in this house?

I counted 75, I thought," corrects Grant, and the audience reacts negatively.
"But those are just things I thought that a wife in general would need to know,
not pointed directly at Kelly, but just in general. A wife staying at home ought
to be able to handle those things."

"And that list was not complete and it did not include motherly duties," Kelly points out.

"Yeah, this didn't have to do with childcare," Dr. Phil agrees as he reads from the list. "This was just organizing closets; organizing hallway closet; keep the car
clean; grocery shopping; cook efficiently; use the oven; use the stove; get rid
of the stuff you don't use or need; sew; mend; wash; load and use the washing
machine properly; basic routine maintenance on washer, dryer, oven, dishwasher,
fridge, freezer, toaster; decorate windows; weekly and monthly cleaning;
positioning of furniture; organize videos and DVDs; organize CDs; organize the
linen; stock the linen; sanitize the bathrooms; cook Mexican food — so, that's
just in general, wives in general need to cook enchiladas — dirty clothes
hamper; get country dance lessons, Latin dance lessons, hip-hop dance lessons;
and do preventative maintenance relating to common household items." Dr. Phil
asks Grant, "Are you a hip-hop dancer?"

"I thought it would be something fun to do," says Grant.
And again, that doesn't include taking care of the kids. Whew. I live alone and I don't do half of this shit. Decorate windows? Organize CDs?

Here's the real problem. Not only does this shithead expect his wife to do all of the above things to his specifications, he also expects her to do them in a french maid outfit and be ready for hot hot sex. I'm not sure how you can be amorous after a 35 hour jam-packed day, but maybe that's just because I'm single.

This piece really struck me not juist because this guy is a huge tool, but because I didn't really think people acted like this. I'm terrifired of getting married. Of sharing my entire life with another person. But it never occurred to me that this person might expect me to be all things at once. The things that bugged me is everyone on the show kept talking about what it means to be "a good wife." But being a wife isn't a job. There are no requirements. Seems to me that being a good wife or a good husband should be about your relationship, not a list of tasks.