then again, maybe not

Sometimes it's not so hard to say goodbye

2006-07-26T08:32:00.000-05:00

I haven't been writing lately for a couple of reasons. First, I was trying to put my place back together, which is still a work in progress. But the real reason is I've lost my faith. I'm hopelessly disappointed in everything right now. This country, myself, feminism, the internet, everything. So, there's not much left to say. Every time I start feeling it again, someone in my beautiful feminist office disrespects a woman with a child, or spouts something racist, unapologetically. And the safe haven of the feminist blogosphere? Please. There are some fantastic folks out there, and I'll certainly be checking in and maybe chiming in, but I'm done for now. Keep rocking on, fuckers.

The value of things

2006-07-07T10:13:00.000-05:00

The whole flood situation has meant I've spent more time than usual talking to my mother. Though, now that Atlantic City casinos are going to reopen, she may have less free time. She loves the slots. 'Cause you can drink and smoke in the morning, and you're not alone. I hope to grow up just like her. But taller.

We were talking about replacing shit in my place, and I was telling her that I'm making a budget of what I can afford to spend, before I get all shopping happy. See? I'm very financially responsible for someone with so many shoes. Shut up. I am!

Anyway, it got me thinking about the value of things, and money. I spent most of my childhood (and college to a lesser extent) as the poor kid. Not because I was poor, but because those around me were kind of rich. Now, I think the reasons my mom spent such a significant part of her single-mom salary on private school tuition are complicated. She's well-educated, and wanted to make sure it was as easy as possible for me to be the same. Don't parents want their kids to have more than they did? But, of course, there's more to a private school education than just good teachers and books. It's a different world. If I'd gone to the public elementary and high schools in my neighborhood, there still would have been good books and teachers. But there wouldn't have been handbells and a May Queen, and Viking Day and the Eagles orthopedic surgeon. And I certainly wouldn't get to learn about broadcasting because Dave's dad was general manager at a TV station, and go to Baltimore to go sailing on the Van Dykes' boat. Private school was a an education in a world that's not like mine.

There were certainly times when that was difficult. I'm sure it hurt my mom when all of her hard work and good salary weren't enough for me because I didn't understand. And, I imagine, someone with a less down-to-earth, no bullshit mother might have gotten a bit obsessed with the "finer things", but fortunately my mother would have none of that shit from me. I always knew the difference between what we need and what we want. And eventually I learned to value what I had, rather than covet what others did. And to this day, when I think about the privilege of buying a new sofa because mine got trashed, or going out to a dinner I can only kind of afford because the food is amazing, or having TiVo because I convince myself it's efficient, I always think about how lucky I am. Sure, I'm underpaid, but who isn't. But I can work where I do, and make a living supporting a cause that matters to me. That's certainly more important than having a fancy car (or a car at all in my case), or more expensive shoes. I guess my point is I appreciate the things I have or can get. Every day in little ways. Even when it ends in a hangover, or an inability to stop watching old episodes of Buffy, or embarrassment in an elevator because I realize I've been singing Tina Turner out loud with my iPod.

Wow, thanks...

2006-07-07T09:48:00.000-05:00

Shit, you people are so fucking supportive. Cut it out, you're scaring me. I'm mostly finished going through everything at my place, and it's going well. I did take apart my computer and examine the guts, things look ok. I think the mysterious noise was from it being moved rather than any actual water damage. I've got a real post coming soon. Wait for it...

This mess we're in…

2006-07-05T13:19:00.000-05:00

This post is dedicated to Marg, who not only agreed to sleep in my recently flooded, and new carpet smelly apartment over the 4th of July, but also kept my spirits up with days and days of Sex and the City dvds, and dramatic readings of titles of the zillion books I own. Thanks!

And this post is anti-dedicated (or something), to all of my bullshit "friends" who could only manage to be supportive for 5 days. Shit heads.

Thanks everyone here who sent their thoughts. I appreciate it. So, here's the update.

I'm back in my place, with a lot less damage than I feared, but plenty more than I can afford. I'll need a new sofa, desk and bookcase (or two). Other smaller things, curtains, cooking magazines, and almost all of my sheets and towels are also casualties. All in all, I think I got pretty lucky. My computer is still something of a question. It works, but is making a new, not at all comforting, noise. We'll see.

The thing that really freaks me out is it just keeps raining. We can't seem to go more than a day or two without a serious thunderstorm. I have very little confidence that my building did anything to protect my apartment in the future, so I'm scared it's only a matter of time before it floods again. So, while I'm working on getting things organized, sorting out the big mess, nothing else goes back on the floor until this shit stops.

Anyone know a place to buy good but cheap furniture?

Update: As I'm writing this, insane deluge outside. Needless to say, I'm a little distracted right now, so I'll only be posting occasionally for a while. And? Flash flood watch until tomorrow morning. This seems familiar somehow.

Ok God, I get the message...

2006-06-27T12:08:00.000-05:00

Prayer from a Godless Heathen...

After tons of family drama last week, now my apartment is a victim of the flooding in DC this weekend. When I left last night there was 1/2 inch of water down. It's rained a lot since then.

So, ok. I get it. I'm a terrible sinner. I'll see the error of my ways and build an Ark. But please, Lord, don't ruin my TiVo.

fuck this shit

2006-06-19T16:03:00.000-05:00

As usual, Bitch Lab brilliantly voices something that's not even a coherent thought in my brain, in response to all the craziness.

[A]s I said, if you don’t share the same explanation for why women are oppressed (you have a different theory), then you have a different understanding of how political change happens. People like to imagine that the modifier in front of
the word doesn’t matter.

Well it does — for exactly this reason. You can cobble together your own unique approach. Great. Wunderbar.

As anyone who reads me should notice, I don't spend a lot of time talking about theory. I find it gets in the way of my cursing. But I've read the things, I've blamed the patriarchy. Here's what it comes down to for me.

Freedom is freedom. I don't just want women to be free. I want everyone to be free. Not just politically or legally free, either. I want everyone to be free to pursue their own happiness. That's where my feminism comes from. Not a place of control, or distrust, or anger. So, I'll never be a radical feminist. Because I don't think it's ok to exchange one set of controlling assholes with another set of controlling assholes, just because they're the same gender or race or whatever as me. That's not real progress. And here's the thing. I don't want that kind of fake freedom. I won't settle for following another set of aritrary rules and calling it an improvement. So fuck y'all, all of ya'll. If you don't like me, blow me!

nasty slut day pt 3

2006-06-16T15:19:00.000-05:00

I was going to write something else, but I have the strange urge to go out and blow every man I see. Time to stop reading about nasty sluts and act like one! Whee! My intact gag relex and I will see you fuckers later.

Get thee to Bitch | Lab.

What disturbs you? (Friday is nasty slut day - pt 2)

2006-06-16T15:15:00.000-05:00

Even though I promised myself I'd never go there again, I couldn't help heading over to the Den of the Biting Beaver to see what everyone was talking about. And believe me, I was soundly punished for my curiosity.

This is from a list of search terms and how disturbing Dubhe finds them to be: feel free to play along at home.

Confusing Searches
"transexual's kicking guys in the balls" - Albuquerque, NM

As we move forward, let's think about why this term isn't considered more disturbing

Averagely Disturbing
"bdsm" - Republic of Korea
"sex for hours" - Middleton, MA

Well, there's no explanation of the scale, but I'd rank these as approximately as disturbing as a brick wall.

Extra Disturbing
"women who enjoy being humiliated" - Bristol, UK

Hmm… ok.

"female ejaculators in texas" - Dallas, TX

Wait, what? That's extra disturbing? Why? Is female ejaculation an invention of the patriarchy or something, and no one told me?

You know what disturbs me? Feminists who don't have anything better to do than review search logs and try to send a Google bot to prison.

Friday is nasty slut day - pt 1

2006-06-16T09:49:00.000-05:00

Ok, I lied. Every day is nasty slut day. But this Friday I'm celebrating. To the blogs that make me pull out my hair (no, I don't know why I bother)!

Twisty says

Flame me if you will, but I posit nevertheless that no woman, since the dawn of
the patriarchal co-option of human sexuality, has ever actually enjoyed this
submissive sexbot drudgery. There’s a reason that deep-throating a funk-filled
bratwurst makes a person retch.*

How dare I presume to impugn the
sanctity of a woman’s right to the blow job? I do so mostly on accounta I will
get a big bang out of the impassioned arguments defending it.

______________________

*Reason: It’s fucking gross.

Whatever. Boring. What's interesting to me is some of the comments.

I could never understand how men could be so crazy about getting a blowjob. It’s
easily my least favorite act of common sex. Though the messy smelly and
ultimately depressing act of anal sex is almost as bad. As imagined in the
pornographic fancies of most men they are each uncomfortable for the woman, but
anal sex at least is slightly more comfortable for men, though the ick factor in
certain of the textures encountered therein is pretty high.

Sigh.

Can’t it be said that oral sex in general, whether it be fellatio or
cunnilingus, is excellent for the receiver and kind of a drag for the provider?

The thread here seems to be that giving someone pleasure is not actually enjoyable. Uh, what?

Pushing something roughly the size of a cucumber repeatedly into my mouth for
about as long as a guy thinks a bj ought to last, then, when the gag reflex is
entirely stimulated, depositing a oddly-textured, foul-tasting wad of warm gook
into my mouth — nuh, uh. I’m done.

Cunnilingus, on the other hand, is warm and soft and wet and sweet.

With the last fews guys I’ve dated, I’ve told them that I will discuss the possibility of giving them a bj, just as soon as they give a bj to another man, so they can fully understand what it is they’re asking of me. So far, no takers.

Wow, if that's how they feel about it, I certainly don't think they should be giving blowjobs. But damn.

Here’s what I think is going on. Women want to be valued and appreciated by men.
Men like their dicks sucked. So, women engage in sucking dick and those who do
not consider their mouths to be an erogenous zones convince themselves it’s
pleasurable because it gives them so much “power.” And sadly, in this
Patriarchal shithole world of ours, blow jobs are the equivalent of power for
many women.

But that doesn’t mean you have to swallow cum and tell us
all it’s caviar. At best it’s something nice to do for a guy whom you care
about. At worst, it’s another humiliating compromise of dignity that women do to
please men and then tell each other how much they fucking love it and how damned
empowering/pleasurable it is.

Well, we all know how much I love internalizing patriarchy, so I'll just shut my brainwashed, cock-filled mouth.

While I don’t think fellatio is inherently degrading, I think that porn has given it a lot of bad connotations which is why I think a lot of guys like getting head. Well, that and it feels good.

And, I had to just stop there. Who the fuck are these people? I don't get it.

My skin isn't licorice flavored, either

2006-06-15T09:41:00.000-05:00

Go read this post by Nubian, "funny things white people say to me".

white person: i have a question. since you are darker (she grabs my arm to
demonstrate that i am darker than her--as if had forgotten that i was black), do
you get hotter? i mean, you know how if you wear black, you retain more heat.

Sigh. It continues from there. I wanna play, too! 3 examples from people I know, here in Chocolate City, itself.

1. Here's a conversation with a White co-worker (WCW) and a non-white co-worker (NWCW) after I got back from a trip last year.

WCW: Hey, [thagmano], you look rested. How was your trip?
Me: Fantastic.
Lots of reading and sleeping.
NWCW: Yeah, you do look happy. And tanned.
Me: Got a sunburn on my back. Very ouchy. But worth it.
WCW: [confused expression] Uh…
Me: ?
WCW: You can get a sunburn? But… you're black.
NWCW: [oh no she di'int expression] Uh, everyone can get a sunburn
Me: Not robots…
WCW: [slinks away uncomfortably]

2. One of the hundreds of times I've talked about getting a tattoo, but punked out because I'm a big baby about the pain. This time with a guy my friend was flirting with at a concert. He'd just gotten his first tat.

Me: [blah blah blah, tattoo]
He: Hmm. Can you even get a tattoo? Would it even show up?
Me: Wha-huh? You know black people's skin isn't actually black, right? I mean, you can see me… [I just walked away…]

3. Another WCW, who walked into my office while I was making an
appointment for a haircut.

WCW: Sorry to interrupt
Me: No problem. I was just making a hair appointment
WCW: Oh, what are you going to get?
Me: Nothing, just a trim. I'm trying to grow out my hair
WCW: Oh, really? Why don't you just get a "weave" [she totally said weave like it was a word in a different language that she didn't understand]

A commenter over at blac(k)ademic said

As these white people haven't had any form of interaction with black
people, they can be extremely insulting and tactless when speaking to them. They
therefore need some sort of education system (maybe incorporated into the
school curriculum) which answers all these kinds of questions.

What? I don't understand why you need school to tell you people of other races aren't alien creatures whose physiology is so different from yours that you'd have to be taught how they work.

So now what?

2006-06-13T12:03:00.000-05:00

Urgh. I have no idea what to do with my life right now. Pretty much every second at work is torture, but since I don't know what else I want to do, I'm not really looking to get out. I've never been one of those people who make huge life changes quickly, or without a specific plan of what comes next. I think what I really need is a good kick in the ass to push me, but it doesn't seem to be coming. So, what to do?

I keep starting lots of posts, but my thoughts are too jumbed (see above) to finish anything. Anyone have any good drugs they can recommend? Perhaps a secluded vacation spot?

All about objectification

2006-06-07T19:52:00.000-05:00

There's an amazing series of posts over at Fetch me my axe about objectification. All three posts are fantastic and thought-provoking, so you should read them, but here are a few things that jumped out at me.

The gist is that people simply can't relate to every single person in the deep, holistic way that Buber (for instance) means when he talks about I-You; it's neither possible nor good for one's own mental stability to try. What Lis (or her husband, I guess) calls "masks" are what I'd call "boundaries." One does need them;

Is it, in fact, acceptable or even necessary for the culture to be structured in such a way that such everyday objectifications as we have of service workers (the McDonald's employee, the anonymous tech support voice on the other end of the line) are inevitable?

I think boundaries is a good word. I think we have to consider at least some number of the people we see or encounter every day as "objects" in some way. So then you (might) get to a continuum of "inappropriate objectification." And just what the hell is "sexual objectification" and why do we love it so? That's where Belle picks up in part 2.

Because, many argue, and with good reason (it seems to me), in this our patriarchal (among other things) culture, the subject is male; the object is female. And so, when people talk about sexual objectification, generally they are talking about the objectification of women, for and by men.

Makes sense to me.

When people say that someone or something is "objectifying," with a negative connotation, what they generally mean is that it's invasive. That is to say: penetrating someone else's boundaries, not necessarily in a concretely identifiable physical way--more on that in just a moment--against the someone else's wishes.

(ok, I'm already seeing a potential objection to this; is "objectification" in the sense of casual dismissal of a service worker or what have you as a pair of hands, an ear, what have you, invasive per se? or is the problem more the refusal to see the person as a person, all by itself? that is, something that's a necessary prerequistite to invasion, but without necesesarily being invasive of itself? well, for now at least)

Yup. This is an important distinction, I believe. Is the invasion liking tits and not necessarily thinking about the woman attached to them as a whole being? Or is it in refusing to see anyone with tits as a whole being. Now, I'm sure there are some that would say both are bad, but I don't agree.

Is it inherently feminist to wear a corset, or to create and/or publish pictures and videos of oneself and/or other consenting adults, being sexually explicit, or to deliver (or receive) an erotic spanking?

Well...according to whom?

Hence the problem.

Because, even more so (arguably) than in other sociopolitical thrashes, when it comes to that sort of shit, for the most part, we're talking about highly subjective experiences. Feelings. Desires. Internal states. "I do such-and-so because I like it" is sometimes dismissed as not sufficient to counter serious feminist critique of the historical meaning and uses of such-and-so; "because I like it," the suggestion goes, is not enough.

But if "because I like it/want it" isn't sufficient to justify one's choices for oneself, then how can you successfully argue that "because I don't like/want it" is sufficient to define rape, or any other abuse?

Hmm. So, yeah. A lot of radical feminists claim that "pro-porn" feminists (which which they seem to mean pro anything sex-related that isn't personally having sex) are selfish because they talk about what they like about porn or bondage or whatever. They say it doesn't matter if you like porn, it hurts women and is bad. Well, not opening that can of worms, but here you have the problem with that attitude. If choice and personal preference don't matter, then… choice and personal preference don't matter. Seems problematic to me.

In part 3, Belle relates a story of a woman basically telling her daughter what kind of ice cream she likes. Seems like a small thing, but the attitude is important. As she says "there are other ways of being invasive."

Evans goes on to talk about what would happen if the girl did take her mother's message to heart ("Oh, you're right, I guess I did want chocolate after all.") What would happen is that she might temporarily get more approval from Mom (big relief) but at a price; she's disconnected from her own internal knowledge. Specifically, in this case, she'll need to disconnect from her sensory awareness--the way the ice cream tastes to her-- in order to convince herself that, oh, yeah, I do "like" chocolate better than vanilla. And she'll probably have to disconnect from her emotions somewhat; instead of feeling disappointed and angry at Mom (her real emotions) for twisting her arm, in order to maintain the relationship, she'll convince herself that she's happy and grateful.

And, of course, if that pattern continues, you end up with a serious problem.

And if you even can't tell what you're feeling, it's very unlikely that you're going to be able to accurately judge what somebody else might be feeling. Of course, you could always just wait for them to tell you, or even ask them; but, mmmm, have you ever really learned to hear, really hear, someone else? Are you listening?

So, go read it.

But.. But… but…

2006-06-06T08:17:00.000-05:00

The problem I have with writing about the Federal Marriage Amendement is I can't even think about it without jumping up and down screaming "Stop it! Stop it!" Which is entertaining in person, but not so much online. So, go read these things:

Shakespeare's Sister - The Republican Party in One Headine
Pam's House Blend - Red state hope
The News Blog - Hate the Homos Day Pt 1

yummy... ignorance with a size of cheez whiz

2006-06-06T07:52:00.000-05:00

From Attytood:

Geno's Steaks owner Joe Vento requires customers to speak English before he'll serve them. A sign at the order window says, "This is America... Speak English." Pointing at the menu or otherwise signaling your order doesn't cut it with Joe.

Charming. Asshat. For those of you not in the Philly know, Geno's is one of the two most famous places to get a cheesesteak in town, an honor shared with Pat's. The two are mostly famous because they're across the street from each other, and local fans of each are extremely dedicated to their choice (read - insane just check out the comments for examples).

I'm a Pat's girl, personally, but that's mostly because Geno's has way to much neon for middle of the night drunken snacking. Though, to be honest, I'm really a Dalessandro's fan, since they're closer to where I grew up. What was the point of this?

Oh, right, Joe Vento is a dickhead. Apparently a really big one, too.

Speak English signs also poster his Hummer. He has driven through South
Philadelphia blaring through the SUV's P.A. system denunciations of neighborhood
business owners who hire illegal immigrants.

And of course, in typical right-wing asshat fashion...

Vento -- who had become something of "a hero" on local conservative talk radio for his support of their causes -- has become more than a little unhinged on this one. In order to remain one of the right wing "cool kids," he's practically tossed down the memory hole the fact that his own grandfather came to America from Italy in the early 20th Century -- not speaking English.

My only love sprung from my only hate

2006-06-05T16:11:00.000-05:00

Well, not my only hate. I hate lots of things. But I certainly do dislike plants. Not out in the wild, where they grow or anything, just in my home. It's too much pressure. The watering and paying attention, and inability to cuddle or make cute noises.

But, like any good movie harpy, something melted my cold evil heart. A fricking peace lily. I got it on my birthday, months ago, and it's still going strong. So now, I'm completely attached to the thing. I sing it songs, and dust its leaves (seriously - I know it's crazy). When I was gone from the office for a few days and it got a little sickly, I was really worried.

So now, here I am, ridiculously attached to this damn plant. I love the fucking thing. Yeesh.

Edit: Yes, that shitty photo is of the plant. I took it with my phone, and from the looks of it, with my eyes closed, as well.

The answer is always sluts…

2006-06-05T13:52:00.000-05:00

The Well-Timed Period talks (a little late, by admission) about Congress failing to make emergency contraception available at military health care facilities. Stupid and sucky. But then, in response to talk about women in the military who have been raped (I hate the term rape victim or rape survivor, like that defines a person), asks:

It's not that sexual assault isn't traumatic, and/or a very serious matter. It is. But the indication for EC applies equally to a rape victim, to a patient who's experienced contraceptive failure, or to a patient who simply forgot to use birth control. Why, when it comes to female patients, must rape be brought up almost every time the issue of EC availability is discussed?

Uh, because people suck. Because anytime you talk about EC, and don't mention women who were raped, then you must just be talking about irresponsible sluts. Who were surely either too horny or too stupid to use birth control, or, if they were really smart, not have sex in the first place. Also stupid and sucky. But true.

Whew...

2006-06-05T08:01:00.000-05:00

That was a really long weekend. Real posts coming soon, but for those of you who asked, here's the dress I wore for that wedding on Saturday. The color is Victorian Lilac, and saying it makes me a little sick, but it's certainly better than these. The excessively sprayed hair and full makeup were also pretty painful. But my super cute silver strappy sandals (which were swapped for flip-flops as soon as we headed to the reception) made me feel a little better.

Ok, enough with the Manolo Shoe blog talk. I promise to get back to cursing, drinking, and abortion ASAP. I mean, writing about them. I don't have an abortion scheduled for this week.

at least I didn't spill anything on him...

2006-05-31T21:04:00.000-05:00

For better or worse, I don't embarrass very easily. But today, I was very embarrassed. Why? Oh, I acted like a jibbering idiot. Which is not really that different than how I usually act, but I don't usually do it in front of Civil Rights Movement leaders.

Yes folks. This afternoon when I was headed out of the office for a meeting, this certain someone was standing outside of my office building. So, in all my dumbass glory, I start grinning, and walk over. Note to self: don't walk over. Just keep moving.

Anyway, he's just standing there, and didn't have the good sense to run away from me. So I say hello, and tell him where I work, and blah blah blah, thanks for speaking last year, yadda yadda. Ok. Handshake, smile, good work we do, so far so good. But then instead of moving away graciously, I decide to keep talking. And ask him if he remembers the class he taught that I was in six years ago. Six. Years. Ago. Good grief. Clearly, the answer to my question is no. But of course, he says he thinks he does remember. Because he's a smart, polite fellow, and I'm a freaking idiot.

I see that he clearly doesn't remember, so I go into a full-on babble. I yack on about the paper I wrote, the scheduling problems I had in the honors program (his was an honors-only class, not that it makes this gibbering ok), and somehow end up talking about my mother and this funny story she told me about when she was at Howard, and she had to take a quiz about the city before she could leave campus. Ha! Not funny. Just scary.

Again, he is gracious, smiles again (quite a smile, let me tell ya), and asks if I got a good grade in the class. I say yes, I got an A. He says good, politely ends the conversation and walks away. I'm all swagger down the street, until I realize he's probably wondering why he gave such a freaking nutjob an A. I'm never going out in public again.

Blogging for LGBT Families Day - June 1

2006-05-31T14:50:00.000-05:00

June 1st is

Blogging for LGBT Families Day, a day to raise awareness about LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) families. I want to invite you all to
participate. Please also pass the invitation along to anyone, LGBT or straight,
whom you think may be interested.

Why June 1st? This date falls exactly between Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. As such, it honors mothers and fathers equally, but also conveys that not all families fit into the traditional structure of one mother and one father. June 1st is also the start of Gay Pride Month.

Since I suck at doing things on time, I'm just going to write something now. I've mentioned my godfathers, my adoption, and my often drinking mother before. But this is a good opportunity to talk about my family. I think that being adopted really has given me an openness to creating the family I want and need, rather than feeling overly tied to conventional definitions of family. After all, I don't know a single person who is genetically related to me, and only my mom adopted me, so everyone else floats outside of that. With the exception of my godfathers. They're a gay couple who've been together for around 35 years, I believe. And more importantly (to self-centered me, at least) they are my dads. One of my earliest memories is being with one of them at the Mummers Parade (you couldn't have paid my mother enough money to go with me). There are pictures of little me all over their apartment, and I still get referred to as "our baby." I even have a little sibling rivalry with the new small child in their lives (I don't want to talk about it). The point is, these guys are closer to me than almost anyone else. Their help raising me was certainly invaluable to my mother, and I can't imagine growing up without them. I mean, who else was going to help teach me how to fold napkins in impressive shapes (one used to be a caterer), or offer me weed when I had a headache (this was recently, not when I was a kid)?

Here's what I'm getting at. Love is love. And I couldn't have wished for better examples of good men, or loving fathers.

the continuing adventures...

2006-05-30T22:17:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I've shared a fun day in my life with you. So here goes. As a follow-up to my fucking feminists post, I thought I'd tell you a little tale of one of the fellas I list. See if you can guess which lis he's on from the story. And I'm sorry in advance for the TMI possibilities.

So, this guy I know, I'll call him 1isNotEnuf, has been bugging me to have a threesome with him and his sometimes girlfriend. It's not as random a request as it may seem. We've "had relations." So, after the initial ask, once I stopped strutting around like I was miss hot shit, everybody wants a piece, I politely declined the offer. There was no box to check off to RSVP no, so I just told 1isNotEnuf that I'd rather not. Ok, fine. Good laugh had by all. That was last... November I believe. It is now almost June, and he's still asking. We chat occasionally on IM, usually when I'm at home working and don't want to be, and it comes up. By which I mean he brings it up. Basically anytime I mention anything that has to do with people, in comes the conversation. So, it's ok for a while, funny every now and then in a "ha ha, remember when you wanted to have a threeesome" kind of way. But enough already. So yesterday, for the zillionth time, he brought it up again.

Dear 1isNotEnuf and other men of planet earth. Badgering is not a good way to get to witness hot girl on girl action.

I was sharing my frustration with another friend (with whom I've never "had relations," in case you're keeping track), and after she stopped laughing at the idea of me being annoyed about this, she asked a vaguely serious question. What's the proper etiquette for requesting sexual favors from someone? I mean, Miss Manners doesn't help here. Where's the line between friendly banter and annoyance? I say you should only ask once, unless the other person brings it up again. She thinks you could get away with three times, as long as it's not everytime you talk to the person. Yet another thing my liberal arts education failed to prepare me for.

Update: I should admit that I'm in a mood this week because I'm in a wedding on Saturday. Weddings always make me (more) cynical and (endlessly) annoyed.

Fucking Feminists

2006-05-30T16:37:00.000-05:00

Well, this feminist, at least. On my mind for two reasons. One, it's always on my mind because I'm a nasty whore with no respect for myself who likes to screw, and also because I just got pointed to this post via Shrub.com.

Because I don't settle. Because I know what I want and I know what my idea of a
good time is and I know how to walk away. Because wanting a man doesn't equal
needing a man. Because I understand that's not really MEN AS INDIVIDUALS that
I'm angry at.

Well, I do settle, we all do. But I don't settle as much as I used to. Because I have realized that I'm happy being single. I use the word single, rather than "alone" on purpose. Jeebus I'm so surrounded by people it’s ridiculous to think of myself as alone. Or unattached, or any of the other couply words that make being sinlge sound like a horrible disease. Now, of course, like a good feminist I've been saying "I do't need a man" forever, I justs didn't realize that I mean it until recently. I spent all of high school in one of three relationships, and college was about the same until my senior year. I've been in and out and in and out (get it!) since then, and I think I like it better out. At least for now.

But because I do so enjoy contemplating my own navel (oh look, a little scar from that unfortunate piercing experiment), I do spend some time thinking about relationships. Like, if I am going to get involved with someone seriously in the future, what are my requirements? If I want to raise children with someone, who do they need to be? Would I consider getting married? Would I have to invite my family to the wedding? Would there be a a wedding? Can you get gifts if you don't have a wedding? Would any of my broke-ass friends get me anything good, or just drink the free booze?

Ahem.

Anyway. Big questions, all. I do like being in love. But I don't like being in love with someone who says you're only racist if you think people of other races should die (true story - a theory shared in my black ass's bed, no less), or I shouldn't be so gullible, no one is really against the rights of women (not in bed, but at the abrupt end of a dinner date). But, those are the dumb shitheads I go out with. Since I don't believe in soul mates, or the perfect person, or someone for everyone, I figure the best I can do is keep fucking, and hope one of them says the right thing for a long enough time.

This post is dedicated to the following awesome men I know: Scott, Doug, John, other John, Aidan, Bob, Chase, Paul, Al, and Dan. And the memory of Craig, who barely had a chance to show the world how great he was.

And I'd like to thank these assholes for helping me learn exactly what I don't want in a man: Daniel, Rick, other other John, Jim (especially Jim), Rob, Joe, Stephen, Komal, and that guy with the ugly green t-shirt whose name I keep forgetting.

"You broke my heart 'cause I couldn't dance..."

2006-05-30T15:52:00.000-05:00

"...You didn't even want me around.
And now I'm back to let you know
I can really shake it down."

Well, in true me style, I've decided I have to blog again, and picked the worst week possible. Short week always equals busy at work, and my boss is out for the next two weeks, so I've got double the work. But, I missed you fuckers too much to stay away. Here's a quick update on what's been happening with me this month.

First, I did spend a good amount of time looking for a new job. And discovered that as overworked and underpaid as I am here, it only gets worse somewhere else. Argh! So, now I've got an even bigger decision to make. If I want to stay working with nonprofits (or at least anyone on the side of good), I either stay here, or take a pay cut. Or I can try to branch out to the (shudder to think) private sector. And honestly, who am I kidding? That's never going to work until I have a mortgage or a cocaine habit to support. And there's always the fallback option for disenchanted 20-somethings, graduate school. Perish the thought. So yeah. My decision is to think about it later. Hooray!

That's a long way around saying I'm back (whatever that means), and absence has made the cold dark pit of what I call my heart fonder of all of you. Except those of you who are total assholes. I still hate you.

Do you love me? Now that I can dance...

In case you haven't noticed...

2006-04-20T07:46:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a break from blogging. Why? Well, work is very busy now, so I don't have a lot of time to write, or read. And, I'm looking for a new job (somewhat tentatively), so all of my free time is dedicated to that process.

So long, for now. Fuckers.

Friday Random 10 and Not Random 5

2006-04-07T14:37:00.000-05:00

Ok, here goes. First, the random 10.

Pretty Girls Make Graves - Something Bigger, Something Brighter
Mos Def - Sex, Love and Money
Ani DiFranco - Ain't That the Way
Poe - Dolphin
The Cure - Lovesong
Will Smith - You Saw My Blinker Bitch
Bill Withers - Ain't No Sunshine
South Park - What Would Brian Boitano Do
Jill Scott - He Loves Me
PJ Harvey - Send His Love to Me

That's a pretty random mix there. Good work, iPod. Good work.

And now… a not at all random 5. Here are the last 5 blogs I've started reading regularly. Some have been on my radar for a long time, but I hadn't been a regular reader until now.

Pascasia's Phoenix: "a blog about this 23 year old, mixed ethiopian and rwandan, african-born/canadian-raised, 2nd generation genocide survivor, queer, gender ambiguous, light(er) skinned terror struggling to make sense of it all."

Reappropriate: "a political, current events, and personal blog written from the perspective of a loud and proud Asian American woman."

Susie Bright's Journal: "I write about sex and politics every day of the week."

Cooking For Engineers: "Have an analytical mind? Like to cook? This is the site to read!"

The News Blog: "Steve and Jen bring you this daily review of the news"

Privilege, power, ego

2006-04-07T07:53:00.000-05:00

My (almost completely white) office is trying to "increase diversity" lately. Yesterday there was conversation about what we want to accomplish with a "diversity training." Aside from getting me to run out the room screaming, of course. Our HR person says "well, I think we're all pretty aware of diverse issues, so education definitely isn't the goal." Then, later in the meeting, in response to a question about getting our (entirely white) high level staff to be more diverse, she said "well, we do most of our promoting from within [not true], so we should try and get those people in at the entry level." BAAAAHHHH!!!!! STOP IT. YOU'RE KILLING ME!!!!!

Anyway. Here's the thing. We're all sitting here in our liberal town in our liberal office tower, congratulating ourselves on how fantastically liberal and open-minded we are. And any challenge to that is a slap in the face. By acknowledging that our office and our message is lily white, we're admitting that we're not perfect, that we're just as human as everyone else, and have thoughts we'd never share at the farmer's market. But here's the thing. Get the hell over yourselves. If you're really a freedom fighter, and if you really believe in the rights of all people, let go of your ego for a minute and listen. That goes for me too. We all get so caught up in our own idea of who we are that we never think critically about what we do.

Choosing your identity

2006-04-04T11:31:00.000-05:00

This post, What should white people do? over at Bitch Lab is running through my brain right now. In comments, Barb says:

Right, of course, but the question is who is your community? I *do* feel very connected but I feel more connected with humanity as a whole rather than with
one particular grouping of humanity.

Bitch responds:

Then, there’s the problem of people who don’t feel they can simply give up their identity. After all, to foreswear a racial or national identity and say, “I
identify as an activist” is not something people of color can do. They can’t
say, “I’m not latina and I don’t identify. Instead, I belong to this political
community of historical activism.

They can say it, but it is WAY harder for them to do and it may just feel really _bad_ to them to do it. The ease with which one can shuck of US identity and whiteness — that comes from the privilege of primarily experiencing that identity and having the privilege to have the time and energy to explore how you are privileged by whiteness.

This reminded me of something that happened when I was 10 or 11. I went to a small private school in Philadelphia, St. Peter's (regardless of the name it's not a Caltholic school - long story). I started there when I was three, so all of the rich white kids were like family to me. And when I was in school I never felt like the "other." Remind me sometime to tell you how reluctant I was to be friends with the other black kids though, that's an interesting story.

Anyway, there I was, doing my smart-ass 10-year-old thing. One of my friends was a girl I'll call Nina. We would hang out at her place all the time, because she lived near the school, and I lived on the other side of the fucking universe (thanks mom). I knew Nina's dad, his girlfriend and her son, and spent a lot of time with them. Nina's family was Salvadoran, if I remember correctly, and her grandmother was teaching me spanish. So la, la, la, I'm so happy-go-lucky with this family that I think has really embraced me. But then all of the sudden I'm not hanging out at her grandmother's house anymore. Everyone is still super-sweet to me, but something is going on. So, I ask Nina what the deal is. She reluctantly tells me that after my last visit to her grandmother's house, a ring or a bracelet or something went missing. Nina suggested that her grandmother had just misplaced it, but apparently she thought I'd stolen it. Now, being the naïve little privileged snot I was, I was so upset, and couldn't imagine why she'd think that. I mean, I loved them. Why would I ever steal anything from people I cared about? I went home that night extremely upset and confused. My mom called Nina's dad to talk about what happened. And then she told me that Nina's grandmother admitted that she thought I stole from her because I'm black. I was floored by this. "But they know me. I've gone on vacation with them. How could anyone think I would steal just because I'm black? That doesn't make any sense." I can't imagine how hard it must have been for my mother to answer those questions. She had done so much to let me choose where I belonged, and who I identified with. And it took less that 10 minutes for all of that to disappear. And as painful as that experience was, it was an important lesson. It's a fantastic privilege to choose your identity, and your community. But it can, and will be ripped away from you at any time.

So, I can say I belong to a community of feminists, of drinkers, of activists, of liberals, of whatever, and that these communities are what identify me. All of those are true and important. But it feels like running away from an identity I didn't choose, because it's hard, and one that is important as well. Denying my blackness (and all of the many things that means) feels like spitting in the eye of my family, and everyone who's come before me, fought for me, because being black isn't awlays so great. But even if I was comfortable doing that, the world won't let me.

And another thing...

2006-04-03T13:55:00.000-05:00

If god loves abortion I can too!
I was thinking about writing something about this, and saw this post over at Feministe on god and abortion. Here's the thing. It doesn't and shouldn't matter one fucking bit what god, goddess, or trees think about abortion. We do not base laws on religion. Well, we do. But we shouldn't. There's no point arguing about what the bible says about abortion, homosexuality, drinking, or anything. People should certainly feel free to base their personal decisions on whatever the hell they want. The bible, rune stones, numerology, coin-flipping. Don't care. But we're not doing anyone a favor by arguing the point on faith-based grounds. Obviously it helps to have anyone carrying the banner, but contrary to what Will Saletan might think, playing the god game is not the way to go. I dunno. It might be a winning strategy, but I think it will fail in the long-run.

Don't watch it. Read it.
Go check out Reappropriate's fantastic recaps of Black. White. Trust me, this is much better than watching the damn show.

Episode 1: And, as if it wasn’t explicit enough, the show then insists upon some “Passing Lessons” once the families move in together. This consists almost
entirely of bad stereotyping, painful commentary, and ignorant prejudices voiced
by the Wurgel family. From Carmen suggesting that she act Black by high-fiving
people, to the discussion of Bruno’s alterations to his walking, it was nothing
but bad articulations of meaningless stereotypes. All thrown together in a
display suggesting that one can indeed adopt fake mannerisms and expect to
racially pass. Even the Sparks family tried to paint themselves as some gurus of
Blackness by suggesting (painfully) that Bruno "act black" by learning dap and
slouching a lot. As if racial experience can be summed up entirely by adopted
behaviour and some Revlon.

Episode 2: The scene with Rose hanging with her poetry group was basically an
illustration of another stereotype of Blacks: Blacks as the trendsetters,
genetically "cool". At the same time, White girls shouldn't try to rhyme -- if
it's not what you do, it's not what you do. What Rose fails to communicate to
the audience is that just because she has fallen into a group of African
Americans who rhyme, it isn't coded in the DNA of Black people to be good at
rhyming. Again we have an instance of the White characters attempting to emulate
stereotypes in order to pass.

Episode 3: Following the commercial-break-spanning cuss-out of Nick, "Black" Carmen and "Black" Bruno go to a cowboy bar where a Confederate flag is prominently displayed. Of course, we knew this wasn't going to go well, or perhaps it would, because "Black" Carmen noticed the subtle kind of racism that people of colour face daily (because the entirety of America is basically like this cowboy bar).
"Black" Carmen was denied a coffee until the bartender saw her credit card, but
"Black" Bruno felt right at home, seeing no racism because no one tried to lynch
him.

Episode 4: Meanwhile, after Rene explains why she participated in the Black. White.
project, "White" Nick goes to etiquette school. While we all watch the
ridiculousness unfold, I just want to take this minute to ask: since when is
etiquette class a White activity akin to how slam poetry is a Black activity? I
mean, I know a few White folk and I've never even heard of etiquette school
being a common activity. Really, Rose puts it quite well: etiquette school is a
rich person's activity. And, the problem with this particular episode of Black.
White. is that the classism is getting mixed in the racism, but is not getting
addressed. To suggest that White = rich and Black = poor is it's own level of
perpetuating discrimination based not only on race but tying class and potential
for wealth to skin colour, and yet nowhere are the ideas of institutional racism
even mentioned.

Oh, and also via the Radical Women of Color Carnival, Angry Black Bitch on the Duke rape case.

The individuals who where at that house on the night of the alleged gang rape
are adults. They are not kids. They are not boys trying to grow into their
social responsibility…they are adults. If a bitch had a dollar for every
motherfucking ‘white boy’ and ‘black man’ reference that pops up in the press my
ass would own Duke. Gang rape is not a youthful indiscretion or a casual
accusation and shame on anyone who stumbles into that pile of bullshit.

Oh yeah, and I realized I meant to add Fetch me my axe to my links a long time ago, but never did it (until today). I suck. I'm sorry. I love you!

And it wouldn't be a post without something about my favorite Bitch's NOT a feminist week.

Wow, that was quick

2006-04-03T10:28:00.000-05:00

It's amazing how being away for just a few days can help me feel refreshed and renewed. And how 3 hours back at work can tear me down all over again. More soon.

Fun fun fun… or not

2006-03-29T09:19:00.000-05:00

This was supposed to be a post about my exciting weekend. I'm taking two days off work (yay!) and was going to get the hell out of town with The New Guy™, and then head to Philly to spend some time with my mother. But now it seems The New Guy™ is the Old Dirty Shoe Guy, and my mom won't return my phone calls. Hmm.

On the bright side, I still have the time off, and the weather is supposed to be fantastic for the rest of the week. So, I'll probably do some spring cleaning, run a lot of errands, and catch up with my TiVo.

No thinking, just typing...

2006-03-27T15:43:00.000-05:00

I'm fried right now. No higher brain functions. But, I found this over at Alas, A Blog - a link to the top 100 overlooked movies of the 90's . Now that's something I can think about. Of the list, here are my thoughts.

Heavenly Creatures - This is one of my favorite movies. I saw it at Ritz 5, I believe, with my first really intense best friend who was about to move to Chicago because of her evil stepfather's job. Even watching it now gets me.

The Hudsucker Proxy - I just saw this for the first time last year. Tim Robbins is just fantastic.

That Thing You Do! - Uh, nope. I hated this movie.

Sneakers - Wait, someone besdies me actually saw this movie? I had no idea. Loved it. I love all the hacker movies when the internet was still somewhat exotic.

Devil in a Blue Dress - Great, great, great noir movie with amazing music. And black people. What will they think of next.

Welcome to the Dollhouse - Is this movie overlooked? Everyone I know loves it. Hmmm.

Pump Up the Volume - Never have I loved anything as much as Christian Slater in this movie. Except maybe Christian Slater in Heathers. Sigh. And the soundtrak was a favorite because one song starts with screaming "Kick out the jams, motherfuckers!" Loved blasting that in my room. Some things never change.

Strange Days - One of my favorite pre-millenial movies about what kind of craziness would happen at the end of 1999. Angela Basset was fucking awesome.

Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me - This is a terrible movie. But I loved the show, and I loved this too. When I was in college, my roommate and I spent an entire long weekend watching the whole series and this movie. That was a bad idea, but really fun.

The Ref - Denis Leary. I love Denis Leary. I just do. Are you sensing a theme? I like foul-mouthed assholes. Because I like me.

Joe Versus the Volcano - Again, I'm, not sure this movie is overlooked.

Great Expectations - Nope. Horrible flick. Ethan Hawke is boring and Gwyneth Paltrow couldn't be less alluring to me if she tried. And the adaptation? Snore.

The People vs. Larry Flynt - Nope, not overlooked. Courtney Love won a Golden Globe for this, right? Granted, playing a messed up drug addict probably wasn't hard, but she and Woody Harrelson were amazing.

Friday Random 10 - Tired as all get out edition

2006-03-24T16:52:00.000-05:00

So late with this. So late. Been dealing with this continued insanity all day.

Ozomatli - Chango
Snowpony - 3 Can Keep a Secret (If 2 Are Dead)
Cowboy Junkies - Dreaming My Dreams with You
Pink - Most Girls
Bright Eyes - Poison Oak
They Might Be Giants - Particle Man
Liz Phair - Perfect World
Nina Simone - I Put a Spell on You
The Clientele - When I Come Home from the Party
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Henry Lee

My assessment? I'm too tired to think. Now the eternal dilemma. Home or happy hour.

La la la la la, thinking happy thoughts

2006-03-23T09:51:00.000-05:00

By request, and necessity, enough with the politics, let's talk about delicous treats, people.

I spent a really insane amount of time on the phone last night. Long chats with two of my girls who I've been having trouble keeping up with. One is busy in general, the other is finishing Grad school. It was great. But somehow I ended up talking about water ice. Oh, lord. I believe she was craving pineapple (yum), but all I could think about was chocolate and cherry mixed together. That's an old favorite of mine from the place I worked in high school. Mmmm. Little bits of cherry add chewyness. Such good, simple stuff.

Oh, and the custard stand. Which really is called the Custard Stand. There's a Dairy Queen or some such shit across the street, but ignore it. The Custard Stand is only open during warm months, and it's fantastic. I remember once I was allowed to ride my bike around the neighborhood, I'd go down there with my friends, get our ice cream, and sit in the parking lot (there's no inside part, it's really just a stand), eating it. And if I could trick her into it, when my mom got home we'd go down there again. We'd sit in the car, with the doors open. She'd tell me about her day at work (the parts that included some cute kid behavior, not the paperwork or overwhelming disillusionment that came with being a social worker for the city), and I'd tell her about school or camp or whatever I'd been doing.

I was trying (unsuccessfully) to find a picture of the Custard Stand online, but I did find this interesting debate about "jimmies" versus "sprinkles." I'd never heard them called sprinkles until I left Philly. And even though the term "jimmies" is clearly dying, I hold onto it. And the whole "chocolate ones are jimmies, the others are sprinkles" idea? Ridiculous. The chocolate ones are "jimmies," and the rainbow ones are "rainbow jimmies." Sigh.

What ever haqppened to this guy?

2006-03-22T17:39:00.000-05:00

Via Shakespeare's Sister, check out this video of Al Gore from the 2000 elections, directed by Spike Jonze.

I'm not going to lie. This video worked on me. I'm seduced. What ever happened to his campaign? Oh right... never mind.

Oh, and he's topless!

Who you callin' a "cusp millennial?"

2006-03-22T16:54:00.000-05:00

According to the New Politics Institute's study: The Politics of the Millennial Generation, kids my age are pretty liberal. How earth-shattering.

But, as a barely-making it "cusp millennial," I have to say... it's really hard to say "cusp millennial." I keep saying cuspillennial, which sounds like a horribly annoying architectural period. Damn you, barely older than me cool Gen X fuckers.

Did she just?

2006-03-20T15:50:00.000-05:00

For those of you who are new around here, I work for a prominent pro-choice organization. Which is part of why I blog anonymously. Anway. So here, at my bastion of feminism and liberal sisterhood, someone just sent out this email:

[HR director] and I were chatting the other day and I mentioned that my sister's job has Weight Watchers coming into their office to conduct meetings. So, I
asked if that is something that we could also do. [HR director]'s response was that if, we can get at least 12 people to sign up, they will come in.

After determining who's interested, [HR director] can get details on how much it will cost, how many days a week they will come out, and the time of day.

If you are interested, please email me and let me know.

And the best part? She sent it to the whole office, but left off all of the (few) men that work here. Everyone knows boys don't want to lose weight. That's a girl thing. Come on gals, let's all diet together!

Vernal Equinox my ass

2006-03-20T15:40:00.000-05:00

It's spring now. Has been for about an hour. Cold, and might snow tomorrow, but Spring is technically here. Wahoo! In celebration, I've started thinking about new clothes. I have a terrible fall/spring wardrobe. In between times are impossible for me. Cold in the morning, warm in the afternoon, it's too much! Too much!

Ahem. Anyway. I've been thinking about a couple of things, like a new light jacket. Saturday afternoon I went shopping with The New Guy™ for such a jacket, and a new black cardigan, because the 4 I have are just not enough (apparently). I wasn't up for hours and hours of shopping, so I recommended that we split up to look for our things. As we spent 15 minutes deciding where to meet and in how long ("what if we just call each other when we're done?" "but then we're those people on the phone in the store" "ok, you take forever, so I'll come find you" "I'm only buying two ties, it'll only be a minute" "ok, so come find me" "are you going to shoes last?" "dunno, I'm shopping 'organically' today" "oh good lord. Ok, I'll come find you" etc. etc. etc.).

Once that was settled we prepared to part ways, and a woman stopped us. "Are you married?" she asks. He goes pale, I start hysterically babbling "no. not even close. Barely know each other. Not sure I believe in marriage… why do you ask?" She laughs, and says, "you make such an exotic couple. Your skin tones are so lovely…"

Jigga-what?!?! It would be one thing if she said we were the most gorgeous people she'd even seen. That would have been weird, and unwelcome, but better than this. Our "skin tones?" Aw, hell naw, lady! (Oh oops, was that ghetto of me?) Who says things like that? And the best part is, she grinned at us like we should be honored. Like her finding the combination of my blackness and his indeterminate non-whiteness was something we had aspired to. Like that's why we're together ("Damn girl. Your skin would look so pretty next to mine." "Are you coming onto me?" "No. Not like that. I mean, aesthetically." "Oohh baby!"). Ugh. It reminded me of the last episode of Black. White., where the woman in the white family went shopping for church, and bought a dashiki. Groan. It was all so quaint to her, like going to Disney World and wearing the Mickey Mouse costume. Race isn't quaint, or neat0 to people who aren't you, lady.

The more the merrier? More like the more the sadder

2006-03-17T12:31:00.000-05:00

I posted a comment over at Feministe, about the new HBO show, Big Love. I was going to write something else there, but I figured I'd think this through at my own damn place. The show is getting a lot of attention - most of it for what it might be rather than what it actually is. The first concern everyone seems to have is that it "glorifies" polygamy. Sounds fair. But I didn't see any of that in the show. No one in the marriage[s] seems very happy. One of the major plotlines of the episode was how unfulfilling the relationship was for everyone involved. But blah blah.

This really made me think about television as a way of communicating things we think of as negative, or immoral. Does television, just by showing something, glorify it? Or, if that's an overstatement, legitimize it? I don't think so. Acknowledging that something exists, and portraying it in a dramatic setting doesn't mean you endorse it. Which made me think of this move from a couple of years ago, The Woodsman, about a child molester who'd recently been released from prison. When the movie came out, there was a lot of controversy about showing sympathy for a pedophile, and humanizing him. Well, damn. Pedophiles are people. Bad, sick people, but people. And when I saw the movie, it didn't make me feel "wow, what a shame this child rapist is having such a rough time of it." I doubt anyone did. Being the lead character in a movie doesn't make you its hero. Which is not to say that some people wouldn't see it that way. But those people are wackos, so fuck 'em.

Since I took the long way around here, let me go back to Big Love. Aside from the trademark HBO reminder that this ain't basic cable y'all! The show is actually a little dull. But that's kind of the point. In a way, this show reminded me a lot of parts of The Sopranos. Sometimes you wake up and can't imagine how your life became what it is. So you do the best you can to keep going. That's nothing to celebrate, but it's nothing to hide, either.

Edited to add: The Woodsman starred Kevin Bacon, who's from Philly, like me. His accent was stupendous. And, I must admit, I was distracted through the whole film trying to figure out what street he lived on. I definitely knew it, but couldn't place it.

Friday Random 10 - New look edition

2006-03-17T10:51:00.000-05:00

Wow, I wish I had some New Edition in my iPod. Oh well. New design, new leaf. Back to this Friday tradition.

Fuel for Fire - M Ward
Jolene - The White Stripes
Freaky Black - Mos Def
Strange Fruit - Nina Simone
The Losing - The Pretenders
Walk the Walk - Poe
Bitter - The Pietasters
Aurora - Veruca Salt
One is the Magic Number - Jill Scott
King of Silence - Cibo Matt

Still working out some of the kinks in the design. Blogger. Sigh.

Life is life, right?

2006-03-16T13:54:00.000-05:00

It's so nice to finally agree with an anti-choice wingnut.

Via Pandagon:

A Christian attorney says any law that purports to ban abortion, yet allows
exceptions, is not a truly pro-life bill.

[…]

“I find it very difficult to rationalize — if you believe that this is genuinely a human child, an unborn child — how you can allow it to be killed simply because of actions of its father,” says the attorney. “It makes no sense down the line, and I think our opponents actually take full advantage of those kinds of inconsistencies in
decimating our movement.

I wholeheartedly agree. If you really think the life of a fetus is sacred, and no matter what, a woman should be forced to carry it to term, then think that. But you don't get to offer the bullshit out of "except in cases of rape or incest." Because if in those circumstances you are willing to say that a woman should not be forced to carry a pregnancy that "isn't her fault," you're full of it. If abortion is murder, it's always murder. Otherwise you're admitting there are gray areas, and that way lies madness (to you, at least).

Ok, ok… I'll do it!

2006-03-16T11:32:00.000-05:00

I gave into office peer pressure today, and entered my picks for the NCAA tournament. Now, I know exactly shit about college basketball, but I do love filling out forms, so I submitted my bracket. And even though I picked winners based on a process unrelated to their skills - mostly I picked places I've visited, and the schools people I know went to, I am now fully and completely dedicated to winning. My competitive nature comes out in such strange and unexpected ways. But, I think this is getting me going because I don't have any clue, so it feels more like gambling. I'm a little less lost sitting at a poker table, but I'm still into the random chance of it all. So here's to my teams!

Edited to add: Oh yes, my final four is Duke, UCLA, North Carolina and Ohio State.

Whew, I'm on a roll…

2006-03-15T14:54:00.000-05:00

It's so nice when I can spend more than five minutes at a time reading blogs. I feel so educated, and vaguely aroused (intellectually, of course). Lindsay over at Majikthise has an interesting review of Crashing the Gate. From this, and what I know of the writers, here's my main concern (which is clearly not at all their concern) about their vision of the future power of the "netroots."

Lindsay says:

Crashing the Gate contains a lot of valuable advice for Democrats. However, I
was disappointed that Kos and Armstrong are primarily interested in
professionalizing the party through think tanks, paid operatives, and a new
breed of internet savvy media consultants. I wanted to hear about how new
technology might enable ordinary citizens to assert unprecedented influence over
politics and the media--from the bottom up.

Hugo warns:

Do these lads understand that millions of people in the core constituency of the
Democratic Party aren't even ONLINE? Unions, NARAL, and other "interest groups" are able to represent the marginalized who can't share their thoughts through email or small online credit card contributions. In Los Angeles, the SEIU
represents thousands of working poor, many of whom don't have an internet
connection. Their needs matter too.

Exactly. And furthermore, I'm not convinced that the solution to the problems in the Democratic Party is just a different small bunch of elitist making the decisions. More of the same is more of the same, regardless of their internet savvy. But I've not seen much coming out of Kos and the blogger boys club that really focused on getting a better party instead of a more successful one. I don't mean to jump on the anti-Kos bus. He's not that important. But I do worry that the creation of the "netroots" as a force for change isn't going to create any actual, you know, change.

Two things about Molly and two things about a Bitch

2006-03-15T14:37:00.000-05:00

That’s capital B, fuckers. And don't you forget it.

As I was saying...

Molly says

Pro-"state's rights" means anti-human rights -- and it always has.

Indeed. What people mean when they say "state's rights" is that there is no value to inalienable rights of individuals. Only good luck in picking a place to live. That's bullshit, and it's certainly not pro-choice, pro-woman or pro-human.

Also, I'm shocked and disappointed about the continuing "controversy" about the information Molly posted on her blog a few weeks ago, about the abortion procedure. All of the irresponsible "she's telling women to give themselves abortions! That's so dangerous!" is ridiculous.

[Edited to add: Stupid Blogger just ate my 5 links about this. Dunno why. Repost later]

First thing about a Bitch:

I got far behind in my links to her posts about Ariel Levy's book, so just go to the source.

And another thing!

Bitch has incurred the wrath of my old nemesis from Alas, A Blog (only a nemesis to those who had to listen to me rant), Ginmar. I never engaged her in the comments because, well… go see for yourself at Bitch Lab and Feministe. Speaking of which, interesting craziness going on over there about feminist blogs, safe space, open dialogue, a lot of shit. Check it out. Beneath all of the attacking is a pretty thought-provoking issue. If you're a feminist with a blog that gets a lot of heated conversation, how do you, or do you, control what gets posted? And how responsible are you?

That's a bit of a stretch, dontcha think?

2006-03-14T14:39:00.000-05:00

Over at Majikthise, Lindsay speaks out in support of "Go Fug Yourself." Full disclosure, I visit the site from time to time when I get links to something in particular. Usually involving an actress I like. It's a funny site. But fluff, at best.

The larger question is why our society is so fixated on appearance and the
personal lives of a handful pampered public figures. For me, Go Fug Yourself is
a non-guilty pleasure because it mocks the excesses of this decadent culture
with humor and insight. The celebrities take their own exhibitionism very
seriously but GFY deflates their pretentions. That, to me is a worthwhile
feminist activity in and of itself.

I agree that the larger question is why we're so obsessed with what celebrities wear. But the question behind that is why we're so obsessed with what everyone wears and what we look like. And more often than not it seems to me that the site isn't mock[ing] the excesses of this decadent culture…" so much as making fun of people for dressing "badly" or "inappropriately."

On Paris Hilton: "Well, at least it's not the kind of cock you expect Paris to drag
around with her..."

On Bebe Neuwirth: "You're too old for this outfit."

I'm not opposed to that, I don't really care, but let's not pretend this is a "worthwhile feminist activity."

Another point in their favor, according to Lindsay:

If they mention a celebrity’s body type or features, it’s almost always
complimentary (“She’s got great legs, but you’d never guess when she wears those
¾ length leggings and Ugg boots…”).

Ariel Levy, meet your new editor

2006-03-14T14:17:00.000-05:00

Head over to Bitch Lab for a ton of info about Ariel Levy's Female Chauvinist Pigs (hint - it seems I'm one of them. FCP/dirty slut, whatev). Bitch is posting about the book as she goes. A critical play-by-play, you might say. Well, you wouldn't, but I did. Anyway. I have a sneaking suspicion that you'll learn more from these blog entries than the book itself.

Bimbette: Shake it down, shake it down now
The lickerish Faye Wattleton and other unwitting FCPs
Levy’s confession
Uncle Tomming
Levy plays the telephone game

Another brilliant Bitch!

2006-03-13T18:14:00.000-05:00

Great post from Angry Black Bitch about my favorite straw man of affirmative action, the "black student who stole your spot at Yale…"

She breaks it down well, but it's something most people forget. The issue is not under qualified black/brown students taking the places of completely qualified white kids:

See, the dude who may have taken your spot at Yale is most likely not the brown
and black students who make up less that 10% of the student body. He's that
legacy admit...you know, Carter Silverspoon from Choate?... yeah, him and his
forever unimpressive non-intellectual ass. College ain’t a meritocracy, but that
fact is better explored through a conversation with the heir to your right and
not the black chick to your left.

Mmhmm.

Also, only related in the sense that I read it right after this, apparently Isaac Hayes has quit providing the voice of Chef on South Park, because of the show's attitude about religion. I loved the character, and he'll be missed, but I can understand the action.

I wrote the above before I read the whole article and saw that Isaas Hayes is a Scientologist. Great Vortex (or whatever the alien-God of Scientology is). Your "religion" is a joke. A club for wacky rich people. Deal with it. Also, where have you been Isaac? That episode aired months and months ago.

This is what happens when I use my brain...

2006-03-13T14:44:00.000-05:00

See? When I'm all thinky about issues, I forget the important things in life. Like The Sopranos starting up again (still trying to catch my breath), and The L Word breaking my heart last night.

Oh, and Hi! to everyone getting here via a Google search for "ANTM blog." Sorry, this isn't actually an ANTM blog. But this is (partially).

So much in my head…

2006-03-13T09:42:00.000-05:00

Wow, this weekend was full of things that keep swirling around in my head. It's possible that's because I spent so much time walking around with my thoughts. Or it could be because I didn't drink at all. Here are the vaguely formed thoughts I'm going to try and work through.

I watched the social experiment (read: snooty reality tv) show, Black. White. I think it premiered on Wednesday, but I didn't get around to watching it on TiVo until Saturday morning. I found it extremely interesting that the show, whose premise is two families, one black, one white, getting made-up and "switching races." Then they go out and see what happens. Interesting, or so I thought. But what's interesting about people legitimizing and aspiring to fit stereotypes? They each learn to "talk white" and "walk black." How consciousness-raising.

I also ended up having a very painful fight with my mother on Saturday afternoon. We fight all the time, that was no surprise. But the subject of the argument was. We were talking about a friend's wedding I'm going to be in, and all of the annoying things that go along with that. Because she's my mother, the conversation quickly turned to when I'll be getting married. This is probably the 10th time we've talked about this in the last year, and I wasn't in the mood. So, I laid out for my mom all of the reasons why it bothers me that she is so focused on this. Not the least being that she herself never married, and had a great life, and fulfilled her dream of being a mother. Somehow we then ended up talking about celebrities. She mentioned that she likes Charlize Theron, who she called something like Charlotte Thenon, but that's my mom. I told her that I'd heard Charlize Theron and whoever she's dating said they wouldn't get married until gay and lesbian couples could as well. I thought that was great. I wish there were more straight people (not just celebrities) who would say the same thing, marriage for all couples, or marriage for no one. My mom hit the roof. She said "so what, you won't get married until gay people can too? That's not going to change anything." Which lead to the whole activism argument, which we've been having since I was 10. Sigh. So I asked her, "what if people were trying to pass laws that interracial couples couldn't marry? And I wanted to marry someone of another race. Wouldn't you want people to stand up and support that?" She says, "of course. And I support gay marriage too, but I don't see the point of a straight couple refusing to marry to make a point." Uh, "you don't see the point of symbolic gestures, of solidarity? You do remember the civil rights movement, right?" And around and around we went. It bugs me that my mother's politics and beliefs are very in line with mine, she really doesn't value my or anyone else's activism. It makes me sad that she can support an idea, but not doing something about it.

Wow, I really didn't plan to go on and on about that. A little venting, sorry. The other thing I'm thinking about is what it means to be a friend. I hung out with a woman I used to work with, who I love, but on a very surface level. I think she's fun, but very self-centered, and I don't share any deep thoughts or feelings with her. From the outside, someone would probably think we're best friends, but it's very shallow. And I'm not sure how ok with that I am.

That was the point, dick-head

2006-03-10T15:04:00.000-05:00

I just saw a post over at The Nation (can't remember where the link came from now), attacking an interesting article in the latest edition of Harper's, which I coincidentally just finished reading last night. I couldn't find the article online, but you should check it out. It's 15 pages long, so I hate to do a really quick summary, but I'll try.

The story, called "Out of Control: AIDS and the corruption of medical science" talks about the business of medical and pharmaceutical research. A lot of the things in the report are pretty depressing. Once you start moving through the story (everything in Harper's is so long), you get to what the author belies is the main problem. Because AIDS is so politicized, and there's a growing industry surrounding it, research that's not in line with the official story is being ignored, and those who conduct it branded "AIDS denialists." Which is particularly ridiculous because these are scientists questioning not the existence of AIDS, but whether or not HIV causes AIDS. Seems like a smart question to me. There's a lot more in the story, and if you can find it, I recommend it. The author does a good job of presenting the questions and outlining how important it is to keep asking them.

So imagine my surprise when I saw this story, doing exactly what the author talked about. Wow, way to prove a point kids. "Harper's Published AIDS Denialist."

As soon as we finish the name-calling (see, if you call someone an AIDS denialist you can immediately ignore everything they say), the post rushes right into mischaracterizing the tone of the story completely. Both the author's and a virologist in the story. And of course call all the shame in the world down on Harper's.

Here's a question for the class. If there's any chance that what we "know" about AIDS is wrong, why not let people do the research? Challenging conventional wisdom is not denying the problem. And frankly, I thought this was a right-wing tactic - squashing any dissent. It's a shame to see liberals doing it. Especially about something as deadly serious as AIDS.

You're lucky I'm even here...

2006-03-10T13:18:00.000-05:00

It's way too nice out for me to even think, let alone work or blog. But I can tell you random things. First, something's wrong with my iPod, and it's upsetting me a lot more than it should. The thing just keeps shutting off sometimes when I try to skip over a song. I'm a little distraught. But there is good news. There's a Rita's water ice in DC. Did you hear me? I can get real water ice in the damn District. Wahooo. Granted, Rita's isn’t as good as the custard stand near my mom's house, but the shit does not travel well. Believe me, I've tried. How did I not now this before? What the hell is wrong with me?

Yes indeedy

2006-03-09T17:00:00.000-05:00

First of all, I'm pro anything that involves the words "Google bomb" and "asshat" at the same time. It's a bonus that this asshat is the biggest(?) worst(?) most(?) asshat in a while. Also, I do what Bitch says. I just do. I'd do it more if what she told me to do was go out drinking with her, but, alas.

Anyway. Here it be. Join in kids, join in. You know you want to… everyone else is doing it.

I give you sexist asshat, Senator William M. Napoli. What did he do? Just watch.

Blog Against Sexism Day

2006-03-08T15:29:00.000-05:00

Today I'm blogging against sexism. The kind in my own stupid head.

I hate that even though I know better, I find myself saying and thinking things like: "Men are so (insert bad thing here)." or "That's such a guy thing to do."

I really super double hate when I think "That's so girly." or "Women are so catty (or something similar).

I went to this movie screening on Monday night. I was the first in a three part series on race, focusing on what organizations can do to deal with race and diversity issues. Very interesting. But the one thing that we ended up discussing for a long time was, when the "narrative" of racist thinking (that was the discussion leader's term, not mine) is so ingrained in everything, how do we get past it. How does someone who acknowledges it and wants to fight it, fight against their own brain? We didn't come up with an answer about racism, and I don't have one about sexism.

Of course, it's one thing to have these thoughts, and it's quite another to act on them. I like to think I do a pretty good job of not acting sexist. But I don't want to think that way either. So in addition to blogging about sexism today, I'm going to spend time thinking about it too.

Check out who's blogging about this today.

"Just where have you been, young lady?"

2006-03-07T17:31:00.000-05:00

Sorry I've been gone. But I haven't stopped thinking about you, I swear. With all the abortion-related craziness I've been swamped. And then the lovely and amazing Anthony over at The SmackDog Chronicles had to provide a link to a fantastic blog (Violet Blue's Tiny Nibbles), I've been laying in bed with my iPod doing uh… math. Thanks for the carpal tunnel, Ant'ny. Can I call you Ant'ny? I'm from Philly, I'm going to do it anyway.

Meanwhile, I don't have anything to say you don't already know. So go read. Right now. Then come back.

Welcome back! See? That's why I'm spending all my free time masturbating. Oh, oops. Forgot I was being coy about that.

Sex is commerce... everything is commerce

2006-03-02T16:12:00.000-05:00

International Sex Workers Rights Day is tomorrow, March 3 (via Bitch Lab). I can't remember if I've mentioned here that I wrote my undergraduate thesis about decriminalization of prostitution. Great topic, shitty paper, let me tell you. It was great for two reasons. First, I got credit for my major and both of my minors (criminal justice, psychology AND gender studies, respectively, bitches!), leaving me a lot more time to do research than most people, which was the best part. And, I got to talk to the most interesting people in the world. If the CDs that house my entire college career weren't in a box in Philly, I'd use this opportunity to unearth them. But they are.

Instead, check out these links.

Should contractual sex be legalized?
SWEAT
HIPS
BAYSWAN
COYOTE LA

NotMyMatch.com

2006-02-28T16:23:00.000-05:00

Apparently there are websites on these here internets where you fill out a profile of yourself, add a photo, and strange men email you for sex. Or you find the love of your life. Depends on if you watch the commercials, or talk to my friends. I believe they call it "online personals." Kids today - wacky!

Since we all know being single is worse than the plague, people are always telling me how I should "get into" online personals. "Give it a shot," "you never know," and "why would guys online be any worse than guys you meet in bars. At least guys online have computers." How inspirational. Moving past all of the horrible and insulting assumptions that someone must be making to offer me this advice… no wait, I can't move past that stuff. I mean the nerve… as if I… if I wanted… how can they… who asked…not everyone is… etc., etc.

Anyway, I'm also extremely reluctant to do anything that people gush about as having "changed their lives" or "broadened their horizons." That kind of shit gets you living in a compound, shaving your head and drinking crazy Kool-Aid. Besides, I barely have time to go to work, see my friends, drink heavily, talk to my mother, and blog. See how that comes last? That's why I suck.

I've never been a looking for a relationship kind of gal. I just kind of fall into them. Or onto them (leer). But most importantly, I am a lazy muthafucka. I've almost passed out from hunger because I couldn't be bothered to go to the kitchen from the sofa. It's maybe 7 steps. And the idea of making a profile, finding a cute but not drunk photo, searching for people, and responding to whatever messages I get makes me want to lay down for a nap. I mean, there are tons of blogs just about people doing online dating. Exhausting. Just the thought of it.

Update: One of my coworkers just asked me what I was writing about and I told her. She said "you know, if you're ever going to meet the right guy, you'll have to go outside of your comfort zone." At which point I kicked her in the shins and called her an asshole. Ok, I didn't actually do that. But I did give her The Face®, which is apparently quite withering. Dunno. I like me, so I don't give myself The Face®. This is a woman who works here, in my beautiful ivory tower of liberal/feminist glee. And don't ever say "comfort zone." It's just wrong. And don't even get me started on the "gay rumors" (the horror!) because I brought my best friend to a few work functions. Now I'm all annoyed and forgot the point of this post.

Oh yeah. Fuck off fuckers. Date how, who and when you want. But leave be the hell alone - which is how I'll always be. Woe, woe, woe betide the single girl who fails to deperately seek a mate.

Molly Saves the Day

2006-02-27T09:00:00.000-05:00

No really, she does. Go read. Interesting writing overall, but now she's compiling information about abortion. Trolls and idiots aside, this is a great thread. Even if you're not a supporter of people setting up illegal clinics, this is a good basic overview of abortion procedures.

As promised...

2006-02-25T18:08:00.000-05:00

Sex blogs I read. The personal sites are not just extended Penthouse letters. They're the lives of these people. Good things.

Eros Blog

Not so much for the content Bacchus links to, as the way he talks. In a recent interview the author said:

The next time you hear somebody railing against the feelthy perverts, you're to
remember the smiles. Even if the specific activity under discussion grosses you
out, because it's not your kink and you can't understand why it could be
anyone's, remember the smiles. Remember Sarah's visible joy. We don't need to
understand or appreciate a kink to understand that smile.

Girl with a one-track mind

Good, good, good.

Sex & Moxie

I guess this is more of a general "relationship" blog, but there's sex in it. interesting combination of personal stories and advice. I very often disagree with her, but I keep reading.

Figleaf's Real Adult Sex

This site is just hot.

Fleshbot

Ubiquitous, I know. But in case there's anything new happening in sex or porn that I missed, Fleshbot will tell me.

Wanton Maleness

Married sex. Good stuff.

thatgirl's life

More hot. And funny.

Friday Random 10 - Extremely Late Edition

2006-02-24T15:40:00.000-05:00

Time Won't Let Me - The Pietasters
Only Son - Liz Phair
Faith - George Michael
I Know This Bar - Ani DiFranco
Midnight Show - The Killers
Hurt - Johnny Cash
At Last - Etta James
The Origin of Love - Hedwig
Roadwhore - 3 Minute Hero
Long Snake Moan - PJ Harey

Yeah, my iPod already left for the weekend. And took my brain with it.

Update: You want to know a good way to increase your blog traffic through a single post? Easy as two words. "Sex blog."

Blast from my past

2006-02-24T15:23:00.000-05:00

Just found this, from years ago, via Archive.org. No, no link for you. It's what I wrote after discovering new information about my biological family. I was floored.

Joane Grant. That was me. For a few months anyway.

Who knew a weekend at home would turn my brain to jello?!?!?!

There are two people out there with the same genes as me that I never knew about. My brother and my sister. What a concept. I can't believe my mom never told me that my biological parents had 2 kids before me. And I really can't believe she just let me discover it on a random saturday afternoon.

It's weird, knowing more info (nonidentifying of course) about my biological parents really wasn't that interesting. I mean, it didn't really make me want to go out and find them or anything. But knowing that I have a brother and a sister. That's a strong kick in the head. When I was born my brother was 7. that means he's 30 now, and probably remembers his mother being pregnant with me. I wonder what she told him. My sister was only 2. My sister. My sister.

So, this is 3 days later, and I'm still very freaked out. Talked to D on Sat. night. He was sweet, as usual. Finally got to talk to B last night. I can't believe she's in Scotland
now. I am really in need of best friend hugging and drinking. When I told her
she cried. If I'd known that would be her reaction I probably wouldn't have told
her. But it was good. She cried, which let me cry. Exactly what I needed.

I can't really express how I'm feeling about this yet. Right now it's just like a weight on my chest.

That was four years ago. Can't say I've got deeper or more processed thoughts about this. It still makes my heart hurt.

In thagmano v. fetus... I pcik the one who's me

2006-02-23T16:35:00.000-05:00

Way smarter things that what I say over at Shakespeare's Sister on abortion:

I agree that a black and white scale of measurement on the issue is flawed, but
I believe it has less to do with any sense of "quasihumannness" and more to do
with truths that no one likes to talk about. Truths like women who don't want to
be pregnant will do just about anything to get un-pregnant. Truths like weighing
the "life" of an unwanted fetus against one's own life is not some abstract
theoretical to a woman with an unwanted pregnancy; it pits a potential life
against an existing one, which may be forever changed. and that doesn't make for
much of a contest.

And

Some soldiers who kill on the battlefield later feel regret, even if they know
it was the only way to protect themselves. Some don’t. We don’t expect them to;
pragmatism is a response we understand from soldiers. We don’t understand, or
accept, pragmatic women, women who have abortions and stand by their decision,
rather than collapsing into a fit of unshakable grief. Worst yet are those who
dare to respond to the outraged, “It was a life you ended!” with an
acknowledgement that it is the truth. “Yes, I did. But I did it to save my own.”

I think this is a big point here. Being pregnant when you don't want to be is a huge deal. And for some reason people can't or won't acknowledge that. Pregnancy is huge, even aside from what would happen after you give birth. And throughout history women have found ways to keep from getting pregnant, and failing that, keep from giving birth.

All the renewed abortion brouhaha is stemming from South Dakota's legislature banning abortion. Nice. More here, here, here, here and here.

Not a sex blog

2006-02-23T16:03:00.000-05:00

Got a call last night from an ex of mine who was reading some sex blog, and thought I might be its author. Wouldn't tell me what the site was, but I plan to try and find it. Now, ok, I get why I'm the girl you call with reproductive, prostitution-related, and happy hour questions. But unless he was leaving out something specific that he read, it could have been any of the many many women he's dated in the past couple of years. And yet, I get this on my voicemail:

"Hey [thagmano]. Give me a call tonight if you get a chance. No emergency, I
just found a blog that I thought might be yours. Did you write about our sex
life? That time we [redacted for my sensitive readers]? I’m not mad. Just
wondering."

Of course I had to return that call. Wow. Here's the thing. The aforementioned activity wasn't anything crazy. If they'd written about some crazy-ass man-on-dog-on-woman-in-Jello-on-airplane-with-watermelons action, I can understand thinking it might be about you. But everyone has sex in the garden of the National Cathedral. That's what it's there for. Oh oops. Sorry. Don't do that, kids, it's trespassing and wrong.

[7 hours goes by]

Now that I'm back writing this post, the saga continues. I met this guy last week that I like. Not a huge, all-consuming bitch kind of crush, but I'm kind of into him. Apparently in my drugged out haze last weekend (hurt my back, not fun drugs) I mentioned that I have a blog and told him the name of it. So he Googled thagmano, and what a surprise - he found me! So, uh, "Hi!" That IM conversation went something like this:

He: "You blog anonymously, I'm surprised."
Me: "Well, it's more of a work-sensitivity thing than not wanting people to know who I am"
He: "That makes sense. Are you going to talk about me on your blog."
Me: "No." [escept when I do]
He: "Ok. You talked a lot less about abortion and a lot more about porn when I met you."
Me: "Visit the archives."
He: "I did. You talk about 'porn' a lot, but not in such graphic detail as in person."
Me: "I talk about a lot of things in graphic detail when I've been drinking and taking
pain killers. I rarely blog drunk."
He: "You should, I bet it would be funny."
Me: "That's why I don't. I go for minimal entertainment on my blog… as you have seen."
He: "LOL"
Me: "Don't LOL at me."

And later…

He: "I saw that your grandfather died last year. Mine did too."
He: "That was random and insensitive - wasn't it? I'm sorry."
Me: "No worries."
He: "What's your next entry going to be about?"
Me: "Uh… this conversation. Partially."
He: "I'm a star! Go me!"
Me: "Uh, like 5 people read my blog. No fame to be had"

The point? I don't have a sex blog. Don't want one. But I do read them. Not so much the porn-tastic ones. I'll post some links later of my favorites. I think I've mentioned before that only a few people I know in real life know about the blog. Older versions have been mostly visited by friends, and I found myself talking to them too much, and not feeling comfortable discussing whatever random bullshit came to mind, so I stopped that. So I wonder… of all the anonymous bloggers out there… do your friends know?

Can you tell I'm in a scattered mood? I've been writing this all day, so I'm careening off in many directions.

I was talking to some friends the other night, who all happened to be dating (and married to) bartenders. The topic, of course, was if bartenders are better in bed than mere mortals. Since I (shockingly, if you think about where I spend all my time) have never slept with one, I was intrigued. Consensus seemed to be that they are better, but it might be because they're more likely to be sober at the end of the night, and you're likely to be drunker. Eyes peeled now. Eyes peeled. Maybe I could start a sex blog about bartenders.

Hoefully they don't pay attention to polls either. Snicker

2006-02-22T16:53:00.000-05:00

It's not easy being Bond, apparently.

I had no idea there were so many polls on this topic. That's kind of embarrassing.

Wait, a wife is not a slave?

2006-02-22T10:41:00.000-05:00

Via The News Blog, two stories about men with "high" expectations of their wives. The first, on The Smoking Gun is a remarkable, if difficult to read document. At first it's rather funny, something I could see writing with humor. Until you get the details that the guy who wrote it wasn't being funny at all. In fact, he's charged with kidnapping his wife and and child pornography. Charming.

Then there's this asshole Dr. Phil. I mean, there's this asshole on Dr. Phil. Ahem. He says:

My wife is desperately in need of wife lessons,” says Grant. “I do have high
expectations and standards, and I expect them to be met. I think every guy would
like their wife to be a Stepford Wife.”

Mmhmm. She says:

“Grant treats me like I’m stupid. The pressure to be the wife Grant wants is
overwhelming. It crushes me when Grant says that he’s not satisfied. I work very
hard all day long not to be mediocre. My biggest fear for our marriage is that
I’m never going to be good enough. I think your husband is supposed to think
you’re great. And I don’t have a husband who thinks I’m great,” she says, her
eyes filling with tears.

How romantic. They returned to the show later because she "still needs wife lessons." This time Dr. Phil lets others share their thoughts on this marriage. Some guy says:

Dr. Phil asks James, "You say he's living in a total fantasy, why?"

"Absolutely, because I've never known any woman to ever accept criticism
from a man very well. At all. I think when you start criticizing, you just start
on a downhill slope, and it's not going to get any better for you."

He's supposed to be the voice of reason, by the way. In case you couldn't tell from his first comments. Next up:

Dr. Phil turns to Amy, "And you think she's just not doing her job?"

"Exactly. I think that what happens a lot of times in marriages is you
come to an agreement of one person staying at home and one person taking on that
responsibility, then the stay-at-home person, whether it's the mom or the dad,
gets into the situation, realizes it's a lot harder than what they expected, and
then doesn't want to be held accountable for their choices of being responsible
in that role," says Amy.

Hmm, yes. This woman is clearly just annoyed because she's not keeping up with her required duties. Speaking of which… what are those duties in this house?

I counted 75, I thought," corrects Grant, and the audience reacts negatively.
"But those are just things I thought that a wife in general would need to know,
not pointed directly at Kelly, but just in general. A wife staying at home ought
to be able to handle those things."

"And that list was not complete and it did not include motherly duties," Kelly points out.

"Yeah, this didn't have to do with childcare," Dr. Phil agrees as he reads from the list. "This was just organizing closets; organizing hallway closet; keep the car
clean; grocery shopping; cook efficiently; use the oven; use the stove; get rid
of the stuff you don't use or need; sew; mend; wash; load and use the washing
machine properly; basic routine maintenance on washer, dryer, oven, dishwasher,
fridge, freezer, toaster; decorate windows; weekly and monthly cleaning;
positioning of furniture; organize videos and DVDs; organize CDs; organize the
linen; stock the linen; sanitize the bathrooms; cook Mexican food — so, that's
just in general, wives in general need to cook enchiladas — dirty clothes
hamper; get country dance lessons, Latin dance lessons, hip-hop dance lessons;
and do preventative maintenance relating to common household items." Dr. Phil
asks Grant, "Are you a hip-hop dancer?"

"I thought it would be something fun to do," says Grant.

And again, that doesn't include taking care of the kids. Whew. I live alone and I don't do half of this shit. Decorate windows? Organize CDs?

Here's the real problem. Not only does this shithead expect his wife to do all of the above things to his specifications, he also expects her to do them in a french maid outfit and be ready for hot hot sex. I'm not sure how you can be amorous after a 35 hour jam-packed day, but maybe that's just because I'm single.

This piece really struck me not juist because this guy is a huge tool, but because I didn't really think people acted like this. I'm terrifired of getting married. Of sharing my entire life with another person. But it never occurred to me that this person might expect me to be all things at once. The things that bugged me is everyone on the show kept talking about what it means to be "a good wife." But being a wife isn't a job. There are no requirements. Seems to me that being a good wife or a good husband should be about your relationship, not a list of tasks.

Friday Random 5 - "Life is a Mystery" Edition

2006-02-10T17:28:00.000-05:00

Instead of songs, this week I thought I'd give you a little more insight into me. Sorry. There's more to me than "raunch feminism" and a deep and abiding love of abortion. Hard to believe, but true. I also enjoy drinking and buying shoes. So here are five things I did this week. You'll notice the shoe/booze theme throughout.

Monday night I put together a bookcase from Ikea. I bought it in November, but it just got to my place last weekend. Once I put it together I realized I have to move a dozen other things to put it in place, so it's sitting in the middle of my livingroom, like a sad, plain totem.

I also got two new pairs of shoes from Zappos. Very very cute. Black modern mary-janes, and brown loafers. I have a serious loafer problem. I have like 10 pairs. Casual, dressier, low heel, mid-heel, platform. Loafers, loafers everywhere. A sickness.

Tuesday I stayed late at the office to help a co-worker. She had to coordinate 10 volunteers helping us with a mailing, and the other person who was supposed to help got sick. Pretty noneventful, except one of the volunteers showed up drunk, brought a bottle of vodka, and proceeded to drink it while stuffing envelopes.

Much later that night I got a call from a friend who lives in Chicago. Her girlfriend is apparently spending hours and hours a day in chat rooms, and it's freaking my friend out. She was only a little annoyed about it, but then she saw the last episode of The L Word, where Bette finds out Tina had cybersex with a guy. Now, I got distracted by Alice having sex with that vampire-woman, but I suppose I understand how this could trigger my friend to freak out more.
Last night I went out for karaoke with some girls from work. There was Journey and Johnny Cash, and I think perhaps some Kriss Kross. But the best part of the night was the last song. It was "Like A Prayer." Not shocking. What was surprising was that by the middle of the song everyone in the restaurant, even those who'd seemed a little pissed about the karaoke to begin with, were singing. All of us. Background vocals, a little free-styling at the end. It was great. And my friend almost got in a fight because she didn't want to share her birthday.

That's a sample of a week in my life. Not things I do all the time, but I think they're pretty representative.

OMG! Am I Gay?!?!?!?!

2006-02-07T09:00:00.000-05:00

Via Bitch Lab (I've always been gay for you, baaaybeee), according to Scientific American, I'm pretty damned gay!

I scored and 8 on this quiz, which means: "8 - 9 Predominantly homosexual, with heterosexual tendencies"

Well, that's true. I do have heterosexual tendencies. A lot of them. I'm not sure how my answers got me to be this gay, but it's certainly a wake-up call. So long fellas!

How gay are you?

Yes, please...

2006-02-02T10:07:00.000-05:00

Another great blog I found courtesy of Bitch | Lab, The SmackDog Chronicles. I'm going to get out of your way and let you read it:

Now, I tend to agree in major part with both beliefs: I support the full agenda of sexual liberation and free sexual expression, as well as the total decriminalization of the free consumption of sex work media such as pornography and prostitution (mostly because I believe that open and fully legal sex trading can be regulated to insure both safer work conditions and better experiences for both the workers and their clients. Yet, I also strongly believe just as strongly and passionately in the fundamental program of women's equality, including the right of women to make free and informed personal decisions about their own bodies without censure and without harm, and with the full respect for the concerns and feelings of others. I would think that the two were totally compatable, and went hand-in-hand with each other, and that sexual liberation is perfectly consistent with feminism and Leftist advocacy.

So I wondered, who wrote this smart stuff?

I am a 40+ year old Black man who believes in truth, justice, equality, mutual respect, mutual dignity, and an Independent Left that doesn't suck as much as the Democratic Party seems to. Oh..and I also adore sexy, intellegent women, too.

Hi there, Anthony! I think I love you.

Happy birthday to me!

2006-02-01T15:33:00.000-05:00

And in typical me style, for my birthday I have a hangover. Wahoo! So, I'm really just reading what others have to say today. Not a lot of high-level thought going on in my head.

Over at Shrub.com, we are reminded that "Sex-positive does not mean misogyny-friendly!"

There's a lot there. Check it out. One thing struck me in the comments.

I for one am sex positive yet very very anti-porn.

I can’t imagine any porn ever being helpful to fighting against the patriachy.

Wha-huh? I don't get it. Does everything that exists have to be patriarchy-destroying? I mean, there are a lot of other things that creative expression accomplishes, many of which have nothing to do with partriarchy. Is that the standard? I can't see any point to it.

There's also talk about the whole problem with even calling it "sex-positive feminism," as though we're fighting against "sex-negative" feminists. "Anti-porn feminists" is closer, but still not exactly it. In Wikipedia they suggest that "individualist feminism" is the same as sex-positive. I'm not sure I agree. I think they're similar, or at least come from a similar philosophy.

Sigh. Here's my problem with the arguments I hear against porn. Aside from those who think it's actual violence, I gather that people think porn objectifies women and provides an unrealistic view of women and their sexuality. Hmm, that sounds familiar. Oh, it soulds like any form of popular media today. So here's the question. If that's what's wrong with porn, why are we trying to get rid of porn, but not Hollywood. Or the modeling industry? Well, I don't think we sohuld get rid of any of them, necessarily. There's one cause below all of this which shold be our target. Then we don't have to get rid of porn, or glossy magazines, we change the culture that let's them exist the way they do right now.

Update: After typing this I saw a Bitch Lab post on the same thing. Great bitches think alike.

Note to Bitch: Yeah, I don't know how my blog ended up being all about sex-positive feminism and abortion. It just happened. (Whew, I almost went a whole post without saying abortion. That was close.)

What Pam said...

2006-01-31T12:53:00.000-05:00

Coretta Scott King has passed away ...

This loss is so great because Mrs. King was an advocate for civil rights who believed that phrase was inclusive — those of us in the LGBT family knew that she was on our side. While other figures in the civil rights movement, including Coretta's daughter Bernice, have chosen exclusion, demonization, and marginalization of gays and lesbians, Coretta Scott King stood regally and spoke eloquently about why discrimination of any kind is wrong.

My husband, Martin Luther King Jr., once said, "We are all tied together in a single garment of destiny…an inescapable network of mutuality.… I can never be what I ought to be until you are allowed to be what you ought to be." Therefore, I appeal to everyone who believes in Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream to make room at the table of brotherhood and sisterhood for lesbian and gay people.

Wow...

2006-01-31T09:07:00.000-05:00

Coretta Scott King died last night. Nothing else to say. She was an incredible woman. The world is less without her.

The neverending blog post

2006-01-30T11:43:00.000-05:00

I keep starting and deleteing the same post over and over. It usually starts about some story I read, or talk I had, but it always ends up in the same place. Me, feeling really demoralized about everything I believe strongly in. I'm tired. Just exhausted. Abortion, politics, work, friends, everything. But it's a weird kind of tired. It's not a "give up and forget about it" tired. It's a "I have to keep going, but I'm not sure how" tried. Which is why I'm having trouble writing about it. I'm looking for a solution, something to jump start my brain. But I got nothing. So, the post remains unfinished, and unpublished. But here's something I do have to share.

I've got these silly post-it notes next to my desk at work. They're quotes of things people in the office have said that struck me as funny, or "true." Now, this is me, so they're not exactly inspirational, but they help get me through the days. Here are a few:

"Fuck it, I'm busy!"
This is kind of a mantra for me. I have to let go of stupid things that bug me at work, because there's a lot to do. There aren't enough hours in a day to be annoyed by everything that's annoying, and get all of my work done.

"If you hate something, fucking get rid of it."
I believe this was a conversation about cleaning out my bedroom closet, but it's good advice in general.

"It doesn't need to follow rationally"
This was from my old boss (miss him a lot). We were trying to work on messaging about a complicated online action. I'm not a message gal, I'm much more of an "explain it like directions" person. I forget that everything doesn't have to be a step-by-step process.

"I'm a feminist. You're a cunt"
So true. Going back to some of the posting from last week, this is what it really boils down to. I'm smart, and you're a dumb fucker for not agreeing with me, and you're keeping us all down with your asshatery.

I also have the lyrics to "Sister Christian." Maybe that will provide inspiration today. I'm motoring...

Monday Fun

2006-01-30T10:07:00.000-05:00

First, via Bitch Lab, Chewbacca's Blog. Some great insights there.

Also, via Lawyers, Guns and Money, my word cloud.

Nice to see that "think" and "mad" are on equal footing. Somewhat encouraging. I'm a little disppointed that "abortion" didn't just overwhelm everything, but, back to work girl, back to work.

Random 10 - Rehab Edition

2006-01-27T12:20:00.000-05:00

First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes
Night Before - The Pietasters
Down by the Water - PJ Harvey
Class - Chicago Soundtrack
Famous Blue Raincoat - Tori Amos
She Walks on Me - Hole
Gold Digger - Kanye West
I Know This Bar - Ani Difranco
I would Die 4 U - Prince
The First taste - Fiona Apple

My assessment? Random as always, but pretty mainstream this week. Definitely something brewing in my iPod. It may be trying to tell me to renouce my evil ways. Help me, Kanye!

Speaking of Kanye West, I meant to say something about the stupid brouhaha about his Jesus-a-licious Rolling Stone cover, earlier this week. But now I don't care anymore. What I do care about is this. Al Sharpton is certainly not alone in thinking that "the 'n' word" shouldn't be used on television. And I understand that having Martin Luther King Jr, using it in a cartoon is pretty out there. But that's The Boondocks. That's what's so amazing about the show and the strip. If you watched the episode, it was very respectful of Dr. King, and I think the story (instead of dying King was in a coma and awoke in 2001. Post September 11 he was driven from America by… well, us.) was a lot more thought-provoking than most of the boring tributes we see every year. And what better way to celebrate his memory than actually thinking about his message and what he might experience today.

I can see how Sharpton could be offended, but Aaron McGruder (call me!) probably made a lot of people who only think about Martin Luther King as a holiday stop for a minute and think about where America has been, where we are, and how far we have to go.

Via Atrios.

Wow, who would have thought I'd have something earnest to say in a Friday Random 10. With a hangover. It's like sarcastic girl rehab. Must be the upcoming birthday. Damn!

while I wasn't paying attention

2006-01-26T08:57:00.000-05:00

Craziness all over. That Bitch (swoon) is in the middle of quite a big to do over at Alas and Pandagon.

I was trying to wade through all of it this morning, but honestly, it exhausted me. What's going on? Can't we all just get along? Not in the "be nice girls" sense of it, but in the respectful disagreement and open conversation sense of it.

Now, I understand that the internt is a strange medium for debate. Talking to people you don't know and can't see certainly lends itself to a harsher tone and freer words.

I'm as judgemental and pig-headed as the next person. My first instinct is to think people who disagree with me are morons. But, that's just the first one. After that I let what they actually say help me decide if they're a moron.

I know I keep yammering about this, but I think there's room for all of us. Susie Bright and Andrea Dworkin. If I may quote myself (shameful):

What I don't understand is this. Smart women on both sides of this debate are
treating each other like they're stupid. But they're not. I know Ariel Levy
isn't trying to shove me back into the kitchen and steal my shoes. But she needs
to understand that I'm not trying to reduce myself to a walking vagina either.

The great thing about feminism, overall, is that it means women deciding for ourselves who we are and what we want. Not just letting history and the social structures around us define us. That is so amazing. And it's hard. It's really, really hard figure out how to make the lives of half the population of the world better. Hell, it's hard to figure out how to make the life of one woman better. But that's what we're trying to do. So there's room for all of us. That's the only way this works. But we really need to stop screaming "bad feminist" at everyone who disagrees. Christina Hoff Summers is not anti-feminist. Katherine MacKinnon is not a bad feminist. Susan Faludi is not a bad feminist. Susie Bright is not a bad feminist. Their feminismS are just different. And I think we need all of them to get the job done.

Over at Alas, one commenter said:

I always thought that feminism was supposed to be about learning how to
understand society so you could then analyse your actions and desires,
understand why you want certain things and not others, and then, to the best of
your ability, do the thing that you honestly believe is RIGHT…whether or not you
necessarily "want" to.

Whew, that's a tough one. Any maybe that's the problem. We haven't even agreed what feminism is. Sure, we have a bunch of things we call feminist issues. But that doesn't really provide a good mission statement. There was a lot of conversation a few months back about different kind of feminists (tired to find a link, can't right now). What's that one slogan? "Feminism is the radical idea that women are people too." I'm a fan of that, but I think it reveals the problem. People are complicated, and what we "honestly believe is RIGHT" is going to vary. So who decides?

Roe's 33rd Anniversary

2006-01-22T17:56:00.000-05:00

Those of you who know me outside of this blog will understand why I'm not participating in Blog for Choice day, but I need to at least link to it.

And, amidst all the work stress, reading what some people have posted is really touching and inspiring. It's nice to be reminded that there are people on your side. Go check it out.

From the mouths of bitches (well, one in particular)

2006-01-19T12:07:00.000-05:00

Just go read this whole post, and then come back. I'd have to quote every word to get you to understand, so just go read it. Go ahead. I'll wait. La la la la la. Ok, great. Wow, right?

Here's the problem with this whole sex positive feminism is uncle tomming for the patriarchy theory. It's completely out of touch with reality. Women have bodies. We live in them. They are what they are. Women also have sex. Varying amounts, sometimes by choice and some not. Women also have sexual desire, which also varies in every women and between us all. Some women like to "use" their sexuality. See? Why do we automatically think of that as a bad thing? I use my brains, I use my money, I use my sense of humor (sorry about that). For me, being a feminist means opening doors to whatever women want to do with their lives, which includes their bodies. If you never want to have penetrative sex because you think it's oppressive, great. But back up off me because I like cock. It doesn't mean I'm contributing to the oppression of womankind, or that I've internalized the patriarchy (although, I am going to start calling sex "internalizing the partirachy" because that's kind of hot).

Here's the point, kids. Sex is not the only thing that defines me. It's one of a million things.

Bitch says

Would you take a fellow feminist seriously if she was dressed in a g-string. You know? Something cheesy and slutty? Would you? Would you think she’s intelligent. Would you think you should listen to her?

That’s a serious question. Because, quite frankly, what I read is a sneering contempt for anyone who atually has such garments in their drawers. And where does that contempt come from? Is there something in the boa or the sleazy bodice and peek-a-boo panties that tells you that she’s clearly a dumb ass who’s not worth listening to?

[…]

Sex positive feminism has very little to do with believing
that you are liberated through sex and sex alone. Rather, it began as a critique
of the way in which both the wider society and feminist communities regulated
sex by claiming that, to be a “real woman/feminist” you could only engage in
certain kinds of sex.

Yes indeed. It confuses and saddens me when awesome feminist women I know treat sexuality like something men have and impose on women. Like there are rules. In order to be a good feminist you have to like this kind of sex this much. Isn't it just as insulting to say a woman can't be smart and capable because she wears "sexy" clothes as it is to say a woman can't be those things because she's a woman? I think it is. I agree that women shouldn't be forced to wear or behave in any way to please men. But she she shouldn't avoid dressing or acting in any way to make other women comfortable either.

And

Finally, there is a very important disagreement between various camps about what objectification even is

2 posts in 1

2006-01-13T09:19:00.000-05:00

Well, kind of. Popping in quickly for a Friday random 10, and a random observation.

First, Google v. Yahoo, you be the judge. Google's word of the day, via Dictionary.com:

Sesquipedalian.

And from Yahoo?

Refurbish. Seriously. That's the word of the day. Yesterday? Concise. Ugh.

And now... random 10, sex positive (or something) feminist edition:

Darling Nikki - Prince
Slow Like Honey - Fiona Apple
Crow Jane - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
Gossip Folks - Missy Elliott
Control - Poe
Mesmerizing - Liz Phair
Land Locked Blues - Bright Eyes
Sour Times - Portishead
Ooh Child - Lenny Williams
Walking on the Moon - The Police

Happy hour returns

2006-01-06T09:47:00.000-05:00

Thank goodness Friday Happy Hours for 2006 are starting with a bang. A big bang. To pay homage to my favorite things (drinks), check out these booze soaked links:

First, from my blogroll, let me point you over to the Modern Drunkard Blog. Love the magazine, love the blog. I wish they'd post more often, but why am I to talk. The latest post is about one of my pet peeves, the internet jukebox. I'm all for technology, but those things are out of control:

A proper jukebox, on the other hand, is representative of one specific bar, as
comfortable in its niche as the regulars are on their stools. Computerized
jukeboxes are perfect expenditures for corporate “chain” bars like Bennigan’s or
TGI Fridays, but poisonous for independent neighborhood joints. Which is OK, if
you pause to consider that “chain” bars are hardly ever concerned with achieving
excellence. Sure, they claim to be in search of perfection, but making patently
false claims is one of the things corporations do best.

And, if you live in Denver, there are posts about local bars. And this, from October:

My biggest decision, it appears, is where to celebrate Columbus Day. Which bar
is best suited for commemorating the rediscovery of the New World? A downtown
Italian bistro? A North Side Spanish dive? Or do we hoist the flag of adventure
and drift from bar to bar like Christopher undoubtedly would have.

Tough decision to make. But I’m hungover, so I can handle it. I’m gonna say all three.

Love it. You should read Modern Drunkard Magazine.

And, there's more.

With my new video iPod I have reluctantly joined the ranks of podcast people. But there's good in every evil, and it brought me to TikiBar TV. Go immediately. Learn to make weird drinks and laugh your ass off.

"Kindly shut the fuck up."

2006-01-04T18:48:00.000-05:00

Amen to that, sister.

I'm Not Sorry breaks it down for the new year.

So in this new year, I'd like to say something to all the talking heads with their earnest faces and Ph.Ds and American flag lapel pins:

Kindly shut the fuck up.

Let me lay some truths down:

Until there is a form of contraception that is 100 percent effective that doesn't involve the removal of a uterus, the need for abortion services will exist.

Until there is readily available and medically accurate sexual education available to everyone, the need for abortion services will exist.

Go read it. There's more.

Did you miss me?

2006-01-04T10:00:00.000-05:00

Hmm, I bet you didn't. Fucker.

Anyway, the new year is here, and I'm out of my mind already. I don't think I'll be posting much over the next few weeks. Work is out of control right now. But, I wanted to give you a little something. Here are things I read today:

response to this.

Sigh. This makes me tired. Well, I was tired before, but it doesn't help. While I was at home over the holidays I an into a friend from highschool. We got to talking about work, which of course turned into a conversation about feminism and politics. I need to start telling people I sell insurance, so I don't have to spend 20 minutes standing on the sidewalk learning the policital beliefs of people I don't give a shit about. Whatev. This woman tells me she is jealous because it must be "so great" to work in a feminist envirornment" where it doesn't matter what you wear or what you look like, and everyone respects each other. Uh, that does sound nice. But that's not where I work. As far as I know, that's not where anyone works.

As Bitch says, "goods" are limited. When you're doing something and getting paid for it, and you have a structure above, below and all around you, there's no paradise. Nothing is perfect. That's not wrong, or sad, it's just true. My job's job is not to nurture and validate me. We're all here to get something done. While it's nice that what we're doing is for the good, it doesn't mean it's not work. That's not bad, or patriarchal, it's real.

And, over at Feministe, follow-up to Jill's posts about being a subject of (ahem) "conversation" over at a message board.

You Know What's Fun?

Reading all about how hideous you are on the internet. Adorable, aren’t they?

As soon as I read this, I figured that she's get tons of comments telling her she's beautiful, and not at all fat. And lo and behold, it came to pass. Because fat and ugly are the worst things you can be. Even to other feminists. Very few of the comments addressed the issue without assuring Jill that she's lovely.

That’s just bizzare. People aren’t just speculating that you must be
fat/ugly/bitter/all of the above. They are looking at pictures of you and
thensaying you’re ugly and fat. WTF? Are they following the same links I am?

You have absolutely nothing to worry about in the looks department.

In short, you’re getting this shit because you’re pretty, smart and
successful.

Jill says later:

And I do appreciate all the comments, but the point of the post wasn’t to say, “Please tell me I’m pretty!” Zuzu really summed it up when she wrote, “These
guys are obviously assholes, but it bothers me that being called fat and/or
hideous provokes such a strong, “But you’re not fat! You’re not ugly!” response.
I could just be feeling marginalized by the idea that being fat is the worst
thing a woman could be called.”

She also talks about why the message board chatter about her was upsetting. And the main reason was not because they said she was ugly. People on the board were talking about "hate fucking" her. People that go to her school, that she might see every day were threatening and horrible. That's a lot scarier than being called fat. Come on, people.

And finally, via Alas, this on Shrub.com, On Chivalry:

I care about what people try to do to me without my consent. I care about what the unspoken "rules" of chivalry mean for me and other women. And that is why I hate chivalry in its current incarnation, not because I'm against people opening doors for each other or whatever other considerate gestures they wish to extend.

And

If men really want to assist women, how about joining the fight for equal wages and political power? How about working for the maintenance of reproductive rights? How about boycotting the sexist, Anglo-centric, anti-fat, media?

And

Almost always when I bring up with my chivalrous male friends that I don't want a door opened for me, or I don't want my chair pulled out, or whatever, they try to shame me by telling me that I'm oversensitive, that I should be glad for
their help, etc. Sorry if I, you know, think my opinions should be the deciding
factor in what people do to me. My apologies, fellows. I'll just go back to
being the fragile desert flower who needs protection from big, strong men who
couldn't give a shit about my happiness.

That's the point folks. Andrea doesn't like it. Maybe you do. Maybe I do. Doesn't matter. She doesn't, and to try and talk someone out of what they want and what they feel is terrible manners. Go read.

I'm off...

2005-12-23T11:28:00.000-05:00

Before I leave for the holidays, here's a little gift from me to you.

http://www.theoworlds.com/christmas/index.asp?CardID=23820

See ya next year!

ar you fucking kidding me?

2005-12-21T15:23:00.000-05:00

I mean, really people. How can this be real. What world do we live in?

The woman who filed a complaint with the state board of medicine, alleging that
Dr. Terry Bennett said she was so fat only a "black guy" might like her, just
got the standard version of "Dr. Bennett's diatribe on obesity," Bennett said in
an interview yesterday. He said the quote included in her complaint condensed
his philosophy and took it out of context.

Just read it over at Pinko Feminist Hellcat.

2005-12-21T09:19:00.000-05:00

Like my hometown pals, I don't really care that much about the NYC transit strike. Aside from listening to Soledad O'Brien pretend she takes public transportation every morning on CNN, this isn't really entering my sphere. Except for the tone of the stories. Of course, they're focusing on how the people of New York are handling the situation. Roller-blading, bikes, car-pooling. And we get lots of information on how much money the city is losing. $400 million a day (says Bloomberg).

But what I don't hear a lot of, is why this situation exists. Lindsay over at Majikthise breaks it down:

The New York Times is reporting that the MTA and the New York City transit union had nearly reached a deal to avert a transit strike when an MTA negotiator derailed the talks with a last minute demand: tripling the pension contributions for new employees.

Go read the excerpt from the story. Instead of photo-opping his way across the Brooklyn Bridge every morning and shaking his fists at the union members, maybe the mayor could spend a few minutes asking the MTA to pull their head out of their asses and end this bullshit.

Apparently there will be no further negotiation until the strike ends. I'm sure that's comforting to the workers, who are being fined and screwed.

What I'll be doing this time next week

2005-12-20T14:50:00.000-05:00

Just settling in to my cruise with my darling mother. I imagine we'll be sharing the first of many cocktails on the deck of the Sovereign of the Seas. How nice that they named the ship after me. An aside, I call every floating vessel a boat, but I heard it would hurt the big ships feelings to call them boats. So, ok. Ship, huge-ass boat, whatever.

My reading this for this trip is a little extensive for a 4 day cruise, but I have to be prepared in case my reading mood changes. I'm bringing with me: Never Let Me Go, The Gilded Chamber, Good Omens, and Anansi Boys.

Aside from Anansi Boys, these are all books that friends recommended, that I learned nothing about before buying them. Scary. Hopefully they'l be great. Well, if not I'll just look at the ocean and drink more. Win-win.

This is my long-winded way of saying "later, fuckers."

'tis the season

2005-12-19T12:40:00.000-05:00

If I eat one more cookie I'm going to explode. The combination of tons of holiday snacks in the office and a crazy schedule, and my bad mood is dangerous.

I haven't been writing. I know. But I haven't been reading or really doing any thinking either, so trust me, it's better this way. The only thing I have in my head is complaints about my job. Now that's a riveting blog. I'll try to put up something this week, but in case I don't, have a wonderful whatever you're celebrating. Oh no! I'm contributing to the War on Christmas.

Happy Jesus Day!

You don't have to be "down"

2005-12-14T11:23:00.000-05:00

I've got a cheap Chardonnay hangover, so I'm a little touchy today.

Last night, at the 3rd of 50 or so holiday parties I'm attending in the next week, I got really annoyed. What is it with this town and holiday parties? I don't think this is normal.

Anyway. Towards the end of the evening, after the extremely earnest folk duo (crunchy guy and super crunchy pregnant gal - natch) stopped butchering classic songs, someone plugged in their iPod for the drunk dancing part of the evening. Everyone knows I can't avoid shaking what my momma gave me to silly pop hits of the 80's and 90's.

But somehow, in the middle of this, I get into the "I'm down" conversation with one of the partygoers. I believe the song playing was Jay Z something. I'm pretty sure I heard a "jigga" in the lyrics. This very nice gal leans over to me and says "I love hip-hop. It really speaks to me. So honest and raw." Now, I didn't know her, and I certainly didn't ask how she felt about hip-hop. So I have to imagine that she mentioned this because I was the only black person left in the room.

I had so many things I wanted to ask her. Like, is it liberal guilt that makes you think you need my approval to like hip-hop? Or do you think it's a shorthand for letting me know you like black people?

The fact that people so far removed from the roots of a music enjoy it, and are touched by it are the point of music, right? A song can speak to you in a way that a conversation never can. So why so uptight?

I have chosen to stop reading this book?

2005-12-12T15:31:00.000-05:00

So uh, this is kind of awkward for me. I don't, um, quite know how to say this.

I've been reading Margaret Cho's new book, I have chosen to stay and fight. And it's causing me pain. Whew, pain. I have seen her a half dozen times and love the hell out of her. But this book? Not loving it at all. Sad. To be fair, I haven't finished it yet, but I'm not sure I'm going to. Like I said, pain. The book alternates between (and I hate to say this) semi-coherent political venting - which I'm all for, if you're honest about it (Cho seems to think it will server as a call-to-arms), and semi-coherent bitching about how oppressed she is. Hm. Ok. I agree that she (unfortunately) is one of the only vocal and visible Asian-Americans in our culture right now who talks about the racism she faces. That sucks ass. One example of the many good points I think she fails at making is the lack of good roles she gets offered. But she lists 2 1/2 pages of "stereotypical" Asian roles that she doesn't want. Uh, I'm not sure that's the best way to show a lack of something. But I will agree they're all pretty lame roles from movies I recognize.

Cho also spends a lot of time. I mean a lot. Of. Time. Complaining about how she doesn't get asked to comment on news shows about anything but Asian-related issues. Well, I'm not doubting that some of that is bigoted. But I think a lot of it is about her delightful use of profanity (which I don't think detracts from her arguments, but a lot of people do), and the fact that she's a comedian. John Stewart and Al Franken aside, you do not see a lot of stand-up comics on the O'Reilly Factor. Another perceived injustice? That her show, All American Girl, will probably never be released on DVD, but My So-Called Life is. I actually liked both shows, but let's be honest here. My So-Called Life had a cult following. My mom and I watched it together and wrote angry letters when it was canceled. It was a new brand of show. Well, maybe not really. I think it owed a lot more to The Wonder Years than people admit, but I'm getting off topic. All American Girl was a kind of funny sitcom very much like a zillion others, except it featured an Asian-American family. Which wad great, and sadly, still unheard of. But breaking the boycott of Asians on TV doesn't make your show worthy of being immortalized on DVD. Again, not arguing that some of the reasons the show didn't stay on the air were racist, but that doesn’t' mean everything related to it was.

I'm not at all denying Margaret Cho her right to think every professional problem she's ever had is race-based. But I can't get inspired to political action, can't rally behind someone whose writing about deep things seems to come without any deep thought.

Oh, and most importantly? So far the book isn't very funny. Now that I've written this, I feel like I want to finish reading it. Maybe I'll have a different opinion once I'm done.

Edited to add:

While I was writing this, a friend emailed me about a post over at Margaret Cho's blog:

"Shakespeare must have been a lesbian because we invented drama."
But she's not a lesbian. She's married to a man. A man who as far as I know was born a man. Being bi, or being "down" with lesbians is not the same as being one. I
think that's fucked up. You're straight and my friend, that doesn't make me a straight black girl, does it?

Interesting point. And yes, my straight black cooties are all over you, tainting you. Deal with it. It seems like an off-hand remark, but it is interesting. Also? The comment appears in a post about "The L Word," so I can't think about it anymore.

Words that are fun to say

2005-12-07T16:26:00.000-05:00

I was reading Janice Dickenson's first memoir this morning (shut up, she's fabulous and insane), and she mentioned that she loves the word alacrity. Which is funny because I was just talking about words I just love the sound of. So, here are five words I think sound fantastic while you say them. I'm sure there are more, but these are the first that came to me.

Enticing
Gesticulate
Jingoism
Metronome
Persimmon

Oh, and abortion abortion abortion.

I just ate a bunch of jelly beans. That was a bad idea.

Worst blogger ever

2005-12-05T15:56:00.000-05:00

That's me folks! It's been days and days and days since I posted. Bad girl. So, sorry. Work is very very busy. Life is very very busy. Besides, how can I write when I'm spending 15 hours a day shopping online. That's right, I can't. Unless I blog about which season of Oz to get someone. Ohhh, rivetting.

Anyway, I haven't even been reading other blogs lately, that's how lame I am. So, as I'm trying desperately to catch up (Jennifer Garner had her baby! Paris Hilton has a shitty album, oh my!) I come upon three posts from Alas, a Blog that I have something to say about. Here we go, yo!

Oregon Woman Convicted of Acting Insufficiently Traumatized

An Oregon woman who says she was gang-raped by three men, has been convicted of filing false rape charges, because she failed to act "traumatized" enough.

The Judge seems to believe that there is a typical way in which all rape victims act, and that if a woman fails to act that way, she must be lying. But that's nonsense. There is no "rape victim script" that every rape victim follows.

This is really revolting. But, it reminds me of the post-abortion sadness and regret mandate. It's just simple word math, people.

Here are true things:

Rape is a bad thing.
Rape is something that happens to women.
Some women who are raped feel destroyed by it.

And so, (here's the great math):

All women have to be destroyed by rape or they haven't been raped at all!

Hmm. Something's missing there.

Why do we insist on turning a person who has been victimized into a victim? Like getting raped isn't enough. And whatever reaction you have isn't good enough unless you pick the one we've all agreed on? Bullshit. Bullshit.

Adoption: It's Great! It sucks!

2005-11-30T11:00:00.000-05:00

Ok, I sat down this morning and made a list in 2 minutes of three things I like and three things I hate about being adopted. I figured whatever came to mind first would be the most honest. You be the judge.

Things I like:

When surrounded by the crazies in my family, it is somewhat reassuring that I'm at least not genetically predisposed to act like them.
My mom knows she picked me, and is therefor completely responsible for all the headaches I cause.
I've always felt that family is the people you choose to love, not just the people you look like. That is awesome.

Things I don't like:

Wondering if I might accidentally commit incest with my biological brother (I know, I'm a freak, but it could happen).
The occasional awkwardness of people when they find out. Even now I get "Oh, you don't look anything like your mom," "Well, I wouldn't. I'm adopted." "Oh, I'm so sorry. I had no idea [looks away]." Seriously people. It's not like I told you I've got 6 months to live.
No knowledge of my biological family's medical history. This is the big one, folks.

There are all kinds of exciting diseases and conditions that I could have, and could pass on to my children without ever knowing it. For all I know every single woman on both sides of my family died at 43 from a heart attack. Who knows what exotic little surprises are lurking around in my DNA. I am fine with not knowing if I smile like my materal grandmother, but I'm not fine not knowing if I should be expecting to get breast cancer from her too. That's why I'm a big ball of worry everytime I go to the doctor. And it's why I'm also a big supporter of the work done by people like Bastard Nation.

Bastard Nation advocates for the civil and human rights of adult citizens who were adopted as children. Millions of North Americans are prohibited by law from accessing personal records that pertain to their historical, genetic and legal identities. Such records are held by their governments in secret and without accountability, due solely to the fact that they were adopted.

Go check them out. The site? Not good. The mission? Very good. Also? It says bastard all over. What's better than that?

About adoption

2005-11-28T17:27:00.000-05:00

Over the weekend I had a conversation with someone who reads this blog. And mentioned something about being adopted. He was surprised, and I was surprised. Why? Well, he was surprised that I hadn't mentioned it before, and that in all my ranting (he was more diplomatic and called it "discussion") about abortion, I never mentioned adoption. And I was surprised because I forget that people don't know I'm adopted. Not that I have it on my business card, but just because I forget. It's like how I forget that all of my friends don't know each other. I'm dumb and self-centered, leave me alone.

Anyway.

We ended up talking about adoption for a while (I'm such a fun date), and how it influences my pro-choiceness. That's not something I've spent a lot of time thinking about. At this stage in my life (with one exception that I'll get to eventually) being adopted is not a big part of who I am. It's an anecdote, like how when I was in first grade I told the class I lived in a "condom" instead of a "condo." My mom had to take the next morning off from work to discuss this with my teacher. Heh.

But, I'm always up for a little reflecting on things, so I'm going to try and talk a little about being adopted, being pro-choice, and being pro-abortion.

First, a little story...

A couple of years ago I was tabling for Planned Parenthood or someone at a music concert. We had some asshole anti-choice shitbird stalking the table, waiting to start some trouble. He finally came over right before we started packing up to leave. He blah blah blahed for a long time, nothing special. But then he told us that he was adopted, and that he was so glad his biological mother chose to give birth to him. Well, ok. I'm glad my biological mother gave birth to me to. Because I've had a nice life. But then he points a finger at me and says "how would you feel if your mother aborted you?" Uh, I wouldn't feel anything. I'd never have been born. But, in this impossible hypothetical I'd say I was glad she was able to make whatever the right decision was for her. Not for me, because I wasn't around yet, but for her. He sputtered for a while and then stomped away, muttering as he went about whores and murderers.

I thought it was a pretty funny encounter. He was just sure he "had me" with the "how would you feel" question. But that's where he's missing the point. The right to choose what to do about a pregnancy isn't about looking backward years later, once you have an unchangeable outcome. That's why the whole "you would have aborted Beethoven" argument is bullshit. Making a choice is about making a decision based on all of the facts and circumstances at the time. Which is why I'm not against "options counseling" and "informed consent" in theory. I am against the way they're actually used, to provide a barrier to women who are seeking abortions. But I think we should provide resources for people making any important decision about their health. I wonder if it's harder to get through the roadblocks to have an abortion or a boob job.

Uh, I kind of got off track here, so I'll stop now. More later about adoption.

God bless America. And no place else.

2005-11-23T11:29:00.000-05:00

If you're like me and my band of alcoholic crazies (hopefully you are), Thanksgiving is a time to speak in hushed tones, discussing the wonder, the terror and awe that is a turducken. Now, I've never seen one of these things in person, which may be part of the obsession.

For a truly frightening image of a half-eaten turducken, head over the Save the Squared Stage. If you're not already dry-heaving, check out this extremely elaborate (and hilarious) account of how a turducken is made. My favorite part? The list of "tools,"including

A baseball bat, in case that motherfucker gets ornery and disrespects you

A hammer, to show that piece of shit duck who is the real boss around these parts

Waring for sensitive viewers: there's a lot of crime schene photography.

And yes, that is a quote from Head of State. Thanks for asking, asshole. It's funny.

Headed out for Thanksgiving

2005-11-23T10:31:00.000-05:00

Not that I'm acually going anywhere, except away from work.

So, probably no posting until next week, I'm looking forward to some time away from the computer. Anyway, I was reading The Bitching over at Pandagon. Good stuff there.

The Bitching, movie version:

The Talented Mr. Ripley. Had I been able to make my proper escape, I would have left as soon as Jude Law's character died, taking all motivation (watching his hot ass) out of tolerating another moment of this sorry piece of tedious crap masquerading as a film.

The Bitching, culture version:

Celebrity couples. And that I actually take time out of my day to be embarrassed for Katie Holmes and Britney Spears.

But since this blog is pretty much only about things that bug me, I figured I'd try something different. So here are 5 little things that make me happy.

My TiVo. The thing that has always bugged me about TV is that I have a terrible memory, and can't ever remember when things are on. Like South Park. That damn show has been on for what 10 years? And always on Wednesdays at 10 (I had to look this up, btw). I never remember. Now I don't have to, TiVo tells me. Thanks TiVo! And I'm pretty sure I eat less junk food now that I don't have to see Dorito commercials.
Pictures of my cat. I've been away from him so long I forget what it's like to live with him. But just looking at a picture on my desk makes me smile. I don't know who invented pets, or who made my cat so freaking adorable, but good job.
Hoops & Yoyo. "Pumpkin... pie. Pie. Pumpkin... pie. Cute little guys. Hallmark, but very funny.
My mother. For all of our drama, the woman is just hilarious. She doesn't always mean to be, but she is. I end most of our phone conversations shaking my head and chuckling. That's good stuff.
Strutting around with my iPod. Every now and then, especially if I'm wearing heels, I realize I'm strutting down the street ont he way to work. That is great. Walking with purpose, enoying a good song, not thinking about anything at all. I should probably be embarrassed, but I'm not.

Ok, that's enough. I'm making myself sick with the happy-go-lucky bullshit. The world sucks. Grrrr. Whew, that's better.

Momma said there'd be days like this...

2005-11-22T15:16:00.000-05:00

First, look at this video. That would totally happen to me, except I'd be pulling off panty hose, vagina all in their faces.

And speaking of mothers (see that bad segue?)...

I called mine today to tell her to have a nice Thanksgiving. I told her I was calling while heading out to get something for lunch. She said "12:15 is kind of early for you." I said "Yeah, I'm really hungry today, not sure why." Which should have been the end of the conversation. Except it wasn't because she busts out with "Maybe you're pregnant." Uh, thanks Mom. It's like going to the health center in college. Stomach flu? Pregnant. Runny nose? Pregnant. Broken leg? Pregnant.

Then my mom tells me because of my job I should be able to "take care of that problem pretty quick." I do love that woman. She's a weirdo, but very nonchalant about abortion, which I appreciate. See? I come by it hoestly.

being pro-abortion

2005-11-22T14:23:00.000-05:00

I was making a list this morning, of people I need to get Christmas/Holiday gifts for this year. Keeps getting longer, no surprise. I'm a huge fan of gifts. Giving, receiving, wrapping, I love it all. But for a lot of reasons, buying random crap for people seems particularly empty this year.

Then I got an email from a friend of mine whose sister works with an abortion fund in Colorado. They're broke. Why? Well, abortion funds are always broke, but particularly now because most of their funding sources are going to help Katrina folks who really really need the money. I'm sure FEMA checks don't pay for any kind of family planning services.

So, instead of gifts this year I'm making donations to abortion funds in the areas where the people I'd be buying things for are from. I will be supporting abortions directly. I just wish I had more money to help with.

You should do the same. Even if you were going to get me a gift. Check out the list of NNAF funding sources here.

I remember talking to a woman once who I had to tell she needed to take back the present she got for her daughter's 5th birthday to pay the rest of the money for her abortion. She didn't know how she was going to explain to the girl why Mommy didn't have anything for her birthday. That's a heartbreaking situation. Knowing she needed an abortion to be able to provide for her daughter on the long run was not.

"Keep on fucking, partner"

2005-11-22T08:58:00.000-05:00

Via my girl (swoon) over at Bitch Lab, according to OKCupid I'm a slut (newsflash!)

The Playstation
Random Gentle Sex Master (RGSMf)

Easy to turn on. Hard to beat. You are The Playstation.

Hm. Perhaps I don't just want a PS2 for Crazy Taxi. I want it because I am it?

You're a nice girl, and you have lots of sex. It's therefore highly likely that you're attractive, and you're certainly outgoing & friendly. Plus, this
healthy physical attitude of yours indicates deeper emotional well-being and stability. Unheard of. When guys dare to dream, they dream of you.

I can't remember the last time someone described me as a "nice girl," possibly never, but ok. Glad to see that having lots of sex suggest that I'm good looking.

You don't get attached too easily, and, to wit, you're not necessarily looking for something long-term right now. That's a bigger asset than you know. Though, physically speaking, you're open to anything, you're keeping your
emotional side well-protected. This means there won't be a lot of wreckage to
clean up whenever you decide to settle down.
In the meantime, the men you share yourself with actually respect you. Like them, you enjoy sex for its own sake and don't need any other validation for pleasure than pleasure itself. Hopefully, you have the good sense to blow off anyone who thinks less of you for that. Usually, this is the part of the description where we offer some life-correcting advice, but honestly, we can't think of anything about you we'd change. Keep on fucking, partner.

Wheee! All of my relationship issues ever, validated right here. So there, fuckers.

Also, "keep on fucking, partner?" I want that on my tombstone.

Your exact opposite:The Priss
ALWAYS AVOID: The Mixed Messenger
CONSIDER: Anyone else

I do. I do.

really? that's kind of scary...

2005-11-21T15:50:00.001-05:00

My new favorite RSS feed is Snopes.com. I love trying to figure out if the crazy legends are true. But this one was weird.

Merry Christmas Target

Claim: Target has eschewed use of the phrase "Merry Christmas" from its in-store promotions and public advertising.

Status: True.

No, that's not the weird part. The scary thing is this thing got around because some groups are calling for a boycott of Target because they're being sensitive to the other holidays that happen in December.

And then the story gets just nutso. Target isn't the only uh, target for this. There was a boycott of Wal-Mart because they encourage greeters to wish customers "Happy Holidays" instead of Merry Christmas. That's right. Wal-Mart was being to progressive for these people. That's a sure sign you're a right-wing nutjob right there.

Amazon.com and judgemental friends

2005-11-21T14:44:00.000-05:00

A few months ago a friend of mine asked for my Amazon Wish list. Whoo! I love getting gifts. But she was all annoyed (she's like that) about some of the DVDs I had on it. She really didn't like Penn and Teller's Bullshit. Well, fine. It wasn't on there for her. But she went on for quite a while. This is the same friend who went off about the interviews on the Daily Show because they "make fun of people who say stupid things." Um, I'm not sure why she's friends with me either. That's a good 30% of my day. And hers, but we won't get into that.

Here are a couple of "controversial" items on my list, and what I've heard from folks about them.

Margaret Cho - I Have Chosen to stay and Fight
"She's just a comedian. She's not a feminist."
Um, I completely disagree. Being funny doesn't mean you're not a feminist.

Janice Dickenson - Everything About Me Is Fake... And I'm Perfect
"Ew, she's gross. And a model. Who cares what models have to say?"
(From the same person as above)
Way to discount an entire group of women. I'm intrigued by Janice. She seems like quite a mess, but she has a great sense of humor about herself. See the damn title of the book.

Mary Roach - Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife
"You don't even believe in God. Why would you read this?"
Well, first of all, I read her book "Stiff," which I loved, so I wanted to read more. Also? Just because I don't believe in something doesn't mean it doesn't interest me. And read the description. It's not called "Spook: Ghosts are real and so is the Lord"

Judith Levine - Harmful to Minors: The Perils of Protecting Children from Sex
"Don't you think that's going a bit far? Minors should be protected from sexual exploitation."
Oh please. This book isn't about the wonderful world of child pornography. Enough with the kneee-kerk reaction to the words "children" and "sex."

Mark Noon - Yuengling: A History of America's Oldest Brewery
"That's just wrong. No one needs a whole book about beer."
You may be right. I love Yuengling, but it costs $40. No, fuck it. I still want it.

I know at least one of the people who appears in these comments reads this blog. So, uh, sorry. Wait no. I'm not sorry. If you feel like you have a right to not only disapprove of my desired reading, but actually tell me so, fuck off.

I (like most people) and incredibly judgemental in my own head. Anytime someone does something I think is a bad decision, I think about it. But I don't give them shit about it. And what drives me nuts is hearing that I'm not "feminist" enough, or "liberal" enough. If I were any more liberal I'd have to leave this country and start my own free-sex-having, constantly-drunk-and-high, no-clothes-wearing island of teeming hedonism.

But I don't just agree with things. I don't believe in censorship. At all. In any way. Salman Rushdie said "Free speech is the whole thing, the whole ball game. Free speech is life itself." Truer words were never spoken. Hello, First Amendment? My liberalism comes from a belief that people should do whatever the fuck makes them happy, as long as they're not hurting anyone else. Speech is the essence of that freedom because we can never learn anything new without someone saying something controversial. Social change comes from someone saying something unpopular.

I know my friends aren't trying to censor my reading. But they are saying I shouldn't like certain things, or experience certain things because they're inconsistent with some narrow vision of what a liberal is, or what a feminist is. That sucks.

more crap

2005-11-21T14:30:00.000-05:00

Two things:

1. If you've emailed me in the past week, please write again. For some reason Gmail was forwarding to some email address that isn't mine, so I didn't get anything before yesterday afternoon.

2. One of the emails I did get was a question about the random quotes. Wow, way to pay attention. The whole point is you have to keep coming back to see what they are, but I will tell you they're all song lyrics, and give you a list of artists. You can keep track of how many you've seen and play along at home. How fun!

Ani DiFranco
PJ Harvey
Hot Pursuit
Kanye West
Hedwig
Poe
The Pietasters
Ozomatli

There are a few others but I can't get in to the template to see them all, so this is from memory. Blogger sucks sometimes.

Friday - no random 10 today

2005-11-18T14:30:00.000-05:00

Instead, some random thoughts.

I got an email from a friend who didn't know I had this blog until yesterday. He says:

I love reading your voice online. I can hear you in my head because you write exactly the way you speak.

That's not actually a good thing, but I don't care. I'm not trying to be a good writer.

The one surprise is how much you have been talking about abortion. Did you quit your job?

No, I didn't. Nor did I intend to talk about abortion on my blog that much. I mean, I spend most of the day at work thinkging about it in one way or another, so of course it creeps in, but I didn't want this to be all about the politics of choice. My job is all about the politics of choice, this blog is supposed to be an escape from that. Or not.

Here's the thing. I write about whatever I'm thinking about. Sometimes I think about funny things, sometimes I think about serious things. But lately I've just been getting more and more pissed off about the conversations and articles and studies and polls and all the other shit out there about choice.

So yeah. Anyway, speaking of work I'm getting hammered today (but not in a good way). More later. Maybe.

I'll leave you with this, the Vampire Squid from Hell. That's just the kind of day I'm having.

Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!

2005-11-17T13:56:00.000-05:00

Lots of chatter about this bullshit (oh no, I gave away what I think about it) article, "Roe Fatigue."

I’m just tired of being burdened with defending Roe often to the detriment of so many important things that we who are centrist and to the left of center need to be advocating.

Um. Fuck you.

Now, before you freak out and write hateful comments or worse, send me hateful email, hear me out. For starters, I have always supported a woman’s right to
chose. Always. So hear me out.

Ok. You're clearly a liar, but ok.

And of course, if the Right were honest, they would admit that their opposition to Roe has very little to do with the sanctity human life (see their view of the death penalty – even for minors and the mentally handicapped and their new found love of torture as just a couple examples)

True.

and everything to do with the stretch of the Constitution done by Roe,

Wrong. They don't give a shit about stretching the Constitution, only that it was done to protect the rights of women to make their own decisions.

So, I’m tired of carrying this burden through every Republican presidency. Let them get the benefit of their bargain with the GOP when they voted for Gdub and their R senators by watching Roe overturned. As teenage girls turn-up pregnant all over white suburban high schools these self-described ‘moderates’ voting Republican can learn first hand about the consequences of their votes.

Just think of the political fall-out to the GOP if they orchestrate an overturn of Roe and the windfall to the Democrats.

Yes! Good point. White suburban families will be inconvenienced. Instead of going to Disney World they'll have to send their daughters to out-of-state abortion clinics. Boo hoo. Just think about the stories and pictures of poor women dying around the country. That'll show 'em.

Yes, I know,……we have to keep fighting, but aren’t you tired too?

Tired of sighing weak-willed assholes like you? Yes. Tired of fighting for the right to control my own body? No, not really.

Read Rox Populi, Pandagon, and Alternet's The Mix on this.

rent is too damn high here too!

2005-11-16T09:42:00.000-05:00

Via the rip-snortingly (I don't care if that's not a word) funny blog Save the Squared Stage, I learned about the best name for a political party ever, the "Rent is Too Damn High" party in New York. Make sure your sound is on so you can hear the theme song.

The best part? Their candidate for mayor came in 4th. I shit you not. Watch you back Bloomberg.

Spending no more than ($50) Fifty Dollars. Even though our candidate did not come in first but our candidate didn’t come in last either compared to some of the well known Political Parties our party came in 4th.

1st) Republican
2nd) Democrat
3rd) Conservative
4th) RENT Is Too Damn High Party (RITDH)
5th) Socialist Workers
6th) Education Party
7th) Libertarian Party
8th) Green Party

Hopefully this party will grow and expand to the DC area. I'd like to see them merge and form the DC for Statehood-Green-Rent is Too Damn High party. They will have my full support. And the longest name ever, which has to be a good thing.